Complete Randomness

I Got A Fever for TS
Okay, I've got a confession.

I've been carrying this around with me for a while, and it wasn't until I was at the gym the other day that it really kinda took over - and I decided I needed to come clean.

And once I say it, I may forever look different in your eyes.

But I can't pretend it's not part of me anymore.

So here goes.

*Sharp inhale*

I like Taylor Swift.

I know! I know!

*crumples into a ball on the floor, pounding it with fists*

Trust me - I've read all the same musical criticisms of her - her lyrics are childish, she can't sing, she's too sweet, yada, yada, yada.

But it's for all these reason that I find myself loving her.

I mean, I have a 10-year old niece. She's got pictures of the Swiftness on her walls. But she also requested the song "Disco Stick" by Lady Gaga to be played at my wedding (declined).

I would MUCH rather my niece to be bopping around her room listening to the Swiftness bubbly singing about wearing tee-shirts and gyms shoes and flowers on front porches and Romeo and Juliet scenarios than to be harping about taking rides on disco sticks, love not being fun if it isn't rough, smoking cigarettes, and whathaveyou.

(Side not: Is it me or is the word "whathaveyou" one of the top ten signs you have become your parents? Also joining it on the list is the question, "How do parents let their daughter leave the house in that outfit?" and anything about the weather).

And I don't care that her song lyrics sound like they were written by me at age 10 - in fact, that's part of the draw. They are sweet, and for me - they bring me back to the days when I did believe in Prince Charming, and better lifes, and growing up.

In fact, I am pretty sure that Switfy doesn't actually write her songs like she says (this, by the way, is a long-standing argument between my "Team Taylor-Swift-is Hawt-Piece-of-Ass" husband who believes she does, and my "Team Taylor-Swift-is-a-Phony-Fraud" brother-in-law, who doesn't). Frankly, I don't really care if her songs are written by her or a 40-year-old single woman with questionable personal hygeine wearing a howling wolf tee-shirt while watching "Eclipse" on repeat and singing to her Robert Patterson posters while dancing with her cats.

But I digress.

I like that she has a somewhat sweet image (she makes heart signs with her hands!), she is usually fully dressed when out in public and she hasn't yet been caught making out with bongs a la Miley Cyrus.

In fact, here is the most recent addition to my playlist. This was the song that gave me my moment of clarity:




See? Who can't relate to a childhood experience in which they were bullied? I can - in fact, I still remember the names and comments of my bullies. But I like the song because it's also really hopeful. Yeah, the lyrics are simple and cheesy, and the music isn't exactly Beethoven, but who cares? I like belting it out at the top of my lungs in the car.

And I would far prefer my niece value Swifttastic and her "Little House on the Prairie" frocks:



than Miley Cyrus's 18th birthday leather get-up:



Or Katy Perry with fireworks shooting out of her boobies.



And sure - in a few years she may find herself living the life of a coked-out whore that's been used, abused and spit out by the industry, wandering the streets of downtown Nashville and playing her guitar in front of Joe's Crab Shack for spare change, wondering what the hell happened to her life.

But in the meantime, I rather fancy her happy little bouncy songs.


Who Let the Dogs Out? Who? Who? Who?
And for today's edition of "WTF," I offer this:



I know - you're speechless. Did ya watch to the end to see those two college guys really getting into the granny action? Now this is the REAL Cougar Town. Gertrude's showing all the other young college bitches how to bring the boys to the yard.

I imagine the only thing more humiliating to her grandkids is her choice in footwear.


Is This, Like, an NFL Version of "The Beiber?"
Dear Tom Brady:
Ummmm...no.


I'm not talking about your smokin' hot wife whose body makes me weep for the unfairness of genetics.

This beef's about what's happening up there on top of your head.

Did you lose a bet? Is Giselle forcing you to play out some weird warrior/caveman dude fetish?

Missing ye ol' college days, perhaps?

Whatever. I don't care.

Just get yourself to a barber, k?

It's so bad it's actually making your wife less attractive, and that's the true crime here.

You're welcome.

Love,
Me

My Attempt at Not Being Blog Lazy

What The-?
Okay, I’ve mulled this over long enough that its time to throw it out there for public consumption:

I don't get Lady Gaga.

Is this just a sign of my age that I just don’t get her?

I don’t think so, because my 62-year old mother ADORES her. In fact, hang out on the south side of Chicago and chances are you’ll see Big Mar riding around in the Trailblazer, cigarette hanging out of her mouth while belting “Bad Romance” like it was an ode to single old broads everywhere.

(Sidenote: Please ignore the “Just Dance” track on my iPod – its not my fault it happens to be a good running song. Some things just defy explanation. Let’s be okay with that and get back to the bigger picture here.)

So what is it that I just don’t get?



Between the outrageous hair/outfits and the following of “Little Monsters,” I just don’t get it. And the more I think about it, the more I feel like my mother circa 25 years ago, when her little daughter M (age 8), was BEGGING for the new Madonna cassette tape while she wondered what the hell was so great about a trashy girl from New Jersey dressed in lace and whining about being a virgin and papas preaching.

Now THAT’S a flashback – how old am I anyways??! Better question – how the heck old is Madonna?!?!

So I guess I will just have to put Lady Gaga on my list of “Things I Don’t Get Because I Am Old or Just Uncool.”

And considering the size of that lsit, I’m gonna need some more paper.



Getcha Boots On, Sandy
Speaking of pop culture – what in holy hell is wrong with Jesse James?

Seriously.

You bag a chick like Sandra Bullock and even get her to marry you, and then you go whoring around with that Bombshell chick who’s covered form head to toe in ratty-ass tats, and reportedly a white supremacist?



I mean, did he have a lobotomy?

That’s the only thing that would explain why he did this, and expected it to be kept a secret.

*shakes head*

Ugh. I debated on whether or not to even put that picture up because personally I want to run naked through a scorching fire just to melt the dirty off everytime I look at it.

Which begs the question - how on Earth did Jesse James get naked and make the sexy times with her?!?!

Excuse me while I go bleach my eyes and brain N.O.W.




S.L.O.W.
Wanna know when three minutes is truly an eternity?

When those three minutes are the time it takes to brew that morning coffee.

GAWD.



Seeking Umbrella
So have I mentioned that it is literally raining babies around my head?

I’ve got three new nephews, one nephew/niece on the way, and all my friends have had or are currently pregnant with new babies.


Aiden and Nolan


Brody


Baby Sully On-The-Way

Me and Cheese are slowly becoming eeked out the social lives of once-babyless.

It is starting to make me wonder if they all know something I don’t, and if this is a train I need to reconsider boarding.

Of course, peer pressure is no reason to have a bambino. For a myriad of different reasons of which I will not disclose here, suffice it to say I am just not down with it yet.

Plus, I like my life right now. Yeah, I get it – its selfish. Nothing compares to the miracle of children, yada, yada.

But I’ll tell you something – being surrounded by baby-makers has taught me that not all is sunshine, rainbows and cute little baby clothes. It’s HARD – I don’t care who you are. And right now, I can’t comprehend uprooting life to take that on.

It's just such a tremendous responsibility of which I am just not capable now.

And besides, I don’t need yet another reason to sit around and binge eat cake frosting and corn chips.

Triathlon training is reason enough.


Not My Reality
And speaking of babies:

Does anyone believe that this lady had one just months ago?



My goodness.

I’ll tell ya what – you find a way for me to look like this post-pregnancy, and I’ll find a way to shoot out those little guys rapid-fire like a machine gun coochie.



T-Time
Oh, and speaking of - once again, triathlon season is upon us.

And now that the weather is mostly above Suck It degrees, I have taken my long runs back outside.

Nothing against the treadmill, which got me almost entirely through Ironman training, but I needed to get some fresh air in my lungs and I was just plain bored with the monotony of my iPod and the fact that I seem to uncannily time my runs during the Rick Sanchez timeslot on CNN –which my gym runs incessantly.

Seriously – would it kill ‘em to toss on Bravo for a few hours here and there?

In any case, I took my legs over to the lake these last few weeks.

My legs and my COMPRESSION TIGHTS.

That’s right – I bought into the fad.

And before I say anything else, we all know by now that I am truly not a new-gadget-type of girl. I am scrappy, plain and simple. I ride a four year old tri bike that is starting to rust and rattle all over, my riding shorts are also that old and all worn out at the crotch, and I can barely spell Garmin, much less plunk down the money to own or work one.

But I got compression tights, and boy oh boy do I love them.

Not only are they great for actually running and giving my ass the sports bra-like support it needs, recovering after a long run or a brick in them is genius.

After having them on a couple hours post long workout, I wake up in the morning feeling almost zero effects of the previous day’s smash fest.

I suspect I will wear the crap out of these until the are no longer compression but more like yoga pants, and the downside is that they cost a ton. And while I considered setting up a texting donation site a la Haiti to help fund my compression tights shortage, I figured I best hold off until I can pay my own way.

Either that, or just wait ‘til my birthday and drop LOTS of hints for my husband.

(Husband, if your reading this, that was hint #1).

Moral of the story?

Compression tights rule, and I hate being poor.

Can I Sue?

I mean fuck, everyone else does.

But my reason should be legitimate.

See, I set up Google Alerts to alert me everytime someone links me or mentions me in the Internet. I did this when I was going through the whole gotta-make-my-blog-private-because-who-know-who-is-reading.

And about once a week, I get alerts - sometimes I don't pay attention, but today I did.

And lo-and-fucking-behold, there is another Project Procrastination blog out there.

Same name, but his about fashion, and he adds two numbers in it, so it reads, "projectprocratination##.blogspot."

AND AND AND

It looks like the asshat started his little fashion blog in 2009

AND AND AND

copyrighted it!!

Well slap my ass and call me mama.

I WAS HERE FIRST!!!

Now, one might find it odd that I feel so territorial over my blog name.

But after almost three years and almost 600 posts, it's be a super big part of my life. And moreover, most of you guys never met me face-to-face, so the blog is the only way most people know me.

So yeah, it's part of an identity, and I am sure most of you feel similarly about your own blogs.

So, uh, yeah.

I guess if you want to read about Hermes scarves and Prada satchels and shoes, then check this guy out (but google him because I refuse to link his site).

Otherwise, this is the only Project that counts.

Damn bitch.


SWIMMERS
And in case you missed this on your way out to summer's first long weekend:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/05/22/pools.urinate.hygiene/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

Apparently 1 in 5 adults admit to peeing in pools.

Or using my master deduction skills, apparently 1 in 5 adults are triathletes.

Just Wrong

No matter what side of the fence you stand on when it comes to Washington, you have to know this is shitty:

http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2009/03/president-ob-15.html

Considering my family's own investment in children with special needs, and my post from just two weeks ago, this turned my stomach.

All the things he could have said, and he likens his skills to the Special Olympics.

How truly sensitive of him.

And you effing hell know that if this were a Republican, people would be screaming until their lungs bled.

Shameful.

Of course, this is a grain of sand on the beach of a government that truly seems to spinning out of control. For the first time since all this bailout stuff went down, I felt pretty hopeless today. The hole that they are willy-nilly digging this country is outragous.

I think most people accepted the stimulus bill out of fear and insecurity over a "crisis." When you are told by your leader that your country is on the verge of collapse, you freak, you trust, you believe. Were there a few things in there that will give the economy a boost? Sure. But were there a shitload more of things that in no way, shape, or form be considered "Emergency?" Absoltely.

And that's an important difference - the bill was an "emergency" spending bill turned lets-use-this-crisis-to-our-own-advantage-bill.

And now - infusing one trillion dollars into the economy - just printed up like the pages of my dissertation - is asking for a collapse. I'll fully admit that I am no economist, but this can't possibly be a good thing.

I mean, doesn't anyone in Washington think that maybe there was a REASON we have never done this much spending in the history of this country? Did they just assume that all previous governments were stingy?

Seems to me that it was never done becuase the consequences down the road are far too extreme. And while yes, we are in a recession - it is not the worst ever seen, and the country has pulled itself out before, without these extreme measures.

And I simply don't feel there is anyone up there that seems to give a shit, who can actually - with true honesty - say that they are "working for the people." Both sides of that fense are getting what they want so Fuck the people, right?

And for the record, this isn't a Left v Right thing - they are all part of it, they are all responsible for not slowing down this train. And we as Americans are responsible for buying Washington's bullshit.

I mean, millions of people showed up for the historical inaugeration- why can't millions of Americans need to now band together and stand in front of Congress and say, "WTF?!?!"

You know, people cried FOUL (and still are) that Bush used fear and lies to engage us in war - with echos of impeachment throughout his presidency.

What do you think Washington - and our President - is doing now? And with your money? With your future? With your children's future? Using a tough economic time to push through their own agenda - An agenda that has the potential to devestate our economy, change the basic strucutre of our country, and even violate constitutional law to do it.

All of this - this whole thing - just feel so shitty right now.


UPDATE:
I just pulled this off of an updated version of the same story:

"Obama made his comments at the show's taping, and it was unclear whether all of them would actually air later in the evening."

Of course.

I mean, seriously. Why fucking bother anymore?