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Perverts

The results of the previous post are in and it sounds like most of you picked sex over unlimited-no-consequence-food binging.

And ‘cause I promised my response – I also chose sex over the food binge.

My fiancé? He chose food.

Oh yeah. He believes that it is more worthwhile to be able to binge endlessly on any and all food without consequence, then to have sex.

As the partner in this relationship (who doesn’t cook, EVER), I find it a bit hard not to be offended by this.

‘Cause I got skillz, yo.

Mad skillz.

Or so I thought, but apparently my sex is not so competitive with the likes of In and Out, Whattaburger, and Chik Filet.

And listen - I LOVE food – mostly of the candy/cake/pie variety.

But I don’t love it THAT much to give up sex.

Or as Eric put it – “There’s not food that cause me to make my ‘Oh!’ face.”

Oh, and there was the question of whether or not giving up sex included giving up *ahem* self-sex.

The answer of which is no – Thus, you could still have the self-sex and the food binge – I was just referring to the giving up of the sex-with-another-person-type sex.

But honestly, is self-sex enough? For like, the rest of your life? In exhange for unlimited Sonic burgers, some apple pies, and bottemless milkshakes?

One hand, forever more?

Thanks, but no thanks.

At some point, even that gets old.

I’m just sayin’...

The Christmas Tree is Still Up

Here are two to suck on for the weekend...

1. Cheese presented me with the following question: Would you rather be able to eat anything and everything you ever wanted without any negative side effects (i.e. feeling full, getting fat) and have to give up sex, or continue eating like a regular person (i.e. feel full, have to manage weight) and get to keep having sex?

So basically, would you give up sex for the ability to food binge without consequence for the rest of your life?

How would you answer?

Leave it in the "Comments," and I'll let you know how we both answered on Monday. You might be surprised...



2. I witnessed two icky thing this holiday season. Well, probably more then two, but these two really stuck out, particularly because kids were involved (and don't worry - no yucky stories from the battle front of child welfare).

First, while Cheese and I were standing in front of the Christmas trees at Wal-Mart a couple weeks back, a woman and her 7-year-old daughter walked up and asked us how to buy one. Why she thought we worked there, I have no idea.

Anyway, we told her that you have to pay inside, and then take your tree.

She said, "Well, is there anyone out here to watch which tree you take?"

We said no.

And then she says, in front of her daughter, "What if you take the tree without paying for it?"

Cheese said, "Well, then, that's on you."

Yes, she was asking if she could steal her Christmas tree, right in front of her daughter.

What would Santa say, I wonder?

The second incident occurred in Midway Airport on my way to Houston on Tuesday night.

I fly Southwest almost exclusively, and if anyone else does, you know that when they board, you are assigned a number and line up IN NUMERICAL ORDER. I have to believe that they did this to eliminate the bum-rush and throw-downs that usually occurrs when trying to board.

This way, you get your boarding number based on when you check in.

Well, this particular flight, I checked in late and got C-43. That's REALLY high. I mean, I was almost last to get on.

ALMOST.

Because behind me, there was a woman and her three children, all holding C-55 through C-58 numbers. Meaning, they board after me.

And another lady, C-59.

Yet, all these bitches were standing IN FRONT of me.

Now, either they don't know how to count, or they were jumping line.

As if their time and overhead bin space was way more important then anyone elses.

Another properly-ordered woman said something about being in numerical order (because apparently the sissy Southwest person was too worn out by the holidays to give a shit), and the cheater lady with the kids almost gave her a real-life beat down, right there in the ramp.

I am so not kidding.

So not only did this woman cheat in front of her kids (one of whom actually tried to point out to her cheating/lying mother that they were not in order), but then she had the fucking nerve to hairy-eyeball the woman who called her out.

If I had any nerve (which I don't because I blog about it now instead of act on it then), I would have said something. But for fear of getting choked out in front of small children, I bit by tongue.

Now, I realize that in the grand scheme of life, people jumping line isn't really that big or bad.

But here's my beef:

You are teaching your children that it's okay to cheat. That it's okay to lie. You are teaching them that's it's okay to step on other people to get your way.

In the grand scheme of things, line-jumping in the Southwest terminal is (like Cheese so eloquently put it) an unraveling of the moral fiber, the basic human values, the common curtosy and rules of life that I believe most of us live by.

Stealing Christmas trees and cheating your way onto an airplane? Really, are either of them REALLY worth it?

Is the $20 buck for the tree, or the extra 30-second wait to get on the plane more important then the real-life lesson you are teaching your children, who are watching your every move in those moments?

Really?