Thursday, April 26, 2007

Pass the Cheese

So I would first like to thank everyone for loading my plate with cheese and crackers to go with my whine the other day.

But seriously, bad jokes aside, it never ceases to amaze me how unselfish some people are when it comes to support. Because no matter how much you all are going through, with training, kids, marriages, weight, or just life, you are never too tired or too distracted to reach out and say, "Meg, hey, hang in there," or offer great advice on climbing out of the hole I dig for myself. And elastic band waisted pants? Brilliant, Stronger, brilliant.

My mom called, she said I could borrow them.

(and no, Mom, that does not mean I am calling you fat, just that you wear fat lady pants - it's totally different....)

So thanks, to everyone who commented or emailed or called. As my sister Ellen, with her new mommyhood wisdom, imparted to me the other day, "Count your blessings, not your troubles." Right on.

And with every setback, I believe I learn a little more, become slightly more humbled and hopefully more insightful. And I think I did these last few days. I can certainly say that I will never again, NEVER, take for granted a "simple" one-hour ride or 30 minute run. Cause, god, what I wouldn't give for those right now.

And my insight is this: With every word of support I received, I was made increasingly aware of how selfish I can be sometimes in return. See, when I get in the funk, I can shut down. That's why I can go from a daily post to maybe one every few days. And moreover, I stop reading other people, so I lose track of everyone elses struggles and triumphs, all because I am choosing to take a vacation to Crazy Town, ticket and room for One.

This also happens when I have so many things going on my life with my job, my family, my (not right now) training - I get so self-centered that I can't/choose not to muster up the strength to be there for other people. I simply can't look beyond my own nose to listen to other people. I get myself to places where I feel that the weight of the world is on my shoulders, preventing them from being available for others to cry on. I sadly and shamefully do that to a lot of people in my life, and you know who you are. You may just not have realize that I am aware of it.

Admitting this doesn't make it better, and I am by no means trying to assuage any of my guilt. But I can put it out there, look at it, and try not to do it next time.

I guess what I getting it at is that feeling the support of others makes me a little better, not just physically and psychologically, but "humanly." I used to think that it would be the Ironman that would somehow elevate me to this "better person" place in a weird way, but in fact, it has been the people I have had in my life along the way that have helped with that. All of them, physical or virtual (I just wrote "viral" for virtual - what kind of weird Freudian slip was that?!?!)

Yeah, that's enough cheesiness for tonight. Maybe I should go put the cheese back in the fridge where it belongs. Right next to the cold bag of MnM's.

Hey, I said "humanly," not perfect.


Duane said...

Back away from the M and Ms! :-)

momo said...

i think its ok to be selfish now and then. its when it becomes all consuming that there is a problem, but honestly, i don't see that with you at all. i, personally, have been on the receiving end of a pretty amazing meg, and during that time she had a heck of a lot going on.

hang in there, my friend. and if you're not going to eat those m&m's - can you send them my way? do they have peanut butter in them??

TriTurtL said...

So after signing up for my first IM, I've had one setback after another. (It's really to the point of ridiculousness! Can you really get a sinus infection right after pneumonia?) I think I've only been able to complete two weeks of workouts written by the coach I hired in such an excited state three months ago. My non-tri friends just can't comprehend why I'm so depressed.

I found your blog awhile ago and I regularly check up to see how you're doing. You'll get there when you're supposed to get there! Don't worry, you'll do it!

I read your blog and it helps me get out of my own funk because I know there are others out there that understand the pain of desperately wanting to work out--but can't. I'm sorry for all that you've had to endure, but I love your blog. You're a great writer with a good sense of humor. Try to keep the chin up, but don't apologize for keeping it real. You go grrrrl!