Friday, October 30, 2009
1. Celebrate Fool
2. Celebrate Halloween
3. Celebrate my sister, who is in one of the Carolinas running a half-marthon down there!
That Ellen sure does crack me up! *insert FB "thumbs up"sign*
Devin standing upright at the Bi-Run-Yak, looking sporty.
And Devin laying on the ground a few weeks ago. Man, it never gets old, you know?
Oh, and holy crap I forgot to mention this!!
I am running the Hot Chocolate 15k on Sunday. Not so much for the race, but for the:
1. Windbreaker and fleece hat
2. The candy-landy-ding-dong at the end.
Word on the Wonka street is that its like the pot-o'-chocolate at the end.
So without further ado, I need to hunt down the largest loot bag (read: Hefty garbage bag) I can find.
Have a wonderful Halloween weekend, score a crapload of candy, and post lotsa pictures on Facebook for me to stalk on Monday as I recover from my race and sugar coma.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
When you become an adult, you can drink legally.
But when you are an adult, it’s no longer socially acceptable to dress up in costume, wander through the neighborhood after dark, and beg neighbors for candy.
Or at least that’s what the cops told me last Halloween.
Halloween is a big fat tease for adults.
And I’m not referring to the Halloween parties that are like a get-out-of-jail-free-card for dressing like a porn star and letting the muffin-tops of the world five-five each other in their sexy nurse/firefighter/bumble bee/referee outfits.
Or the fact that it’s like the one time of the year that adults exert their right to take advantage of the otherwise-innocent costumes of little kids by putting a big old smutty twist on them (Or at least publicly – I can’t account for what your all do behind the closed doors of your bedrooms on any given Wednesday night.)
now wait just.one.stinking.minute. what kind of bumble bee has a machine gun?!?!
(Side note - you never really see a sexy Hobo. Can a hobo even be sexy? I don’t quite know. Discuss.)
No, the unfairness I’m referring to the fact that my increasing age is taking a toll on my metabolism, thus making it more and more difficult for me to smother myself in the sugary deliciousness that lines the aisles of my local Target without simultaneously committing myself to several hours on the treadmill or extra ass-kicking my personal trainer.
That, and that fact that my apartment is surrounded by other houses just giving the Good Stuff out for FREE.
And I think we can all agree that the only thing better than candy is FREE candy.
I guess I will just have to be okay with curling up on the couch with my bowl of salt-free and taste—free low fat microwave popcorn and a scary movie, while praying I don’t die in my race the following morning.
Or maybe I will pull the bumblebee outfit from the closet and force Cheese to wear it, while I yell, "Dance Bumble Bee, DANCE!"
Hey, a girl still needs to have fun even without free candy.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Hence, the dust bunnies on El Bloggo.
But since many of my recent communications with my family follow along the lines of, "Dude, are you dead, or did you just forget you have a blog?" I decided maybe it's time to check into my little space in the blogosphere.
So what follows is a mash up of some recent (okay, maybe kinda old) pictures that I have frankly been too spankin' lazy to post.
a. How small we humans are when compared to the massive world and ocean.
b. How lucky I am to be married to my man.
c. How on earth I plan to organize all those grill pans, fry pans, tupperware, dishes, flatware, and vases we received in out tiny apartment.
d. How to get my bowels to open up after a 9-hour flight.
Malasados. Known to us mortals as a big donut-like puff covered in sugar and served hotly fried. As my husband says, "They're stick-your-dick-in-it-good." I apparently preferred to just give myself a facial with them instead.
Guess the stress of leisure reading was simply too much for my mind to handle. Thus, I must rest. And tan.
Hands off ladies. He's a married man.
"How come I can't see any fish? What? Oh, my face has to go IN the water."
Me in my Donna Reed/Mad Men 60s-style dress at dinner.
Oh, and my husband was there, too.
I had to burn off my two plates of luau pork somehow, and what better way of doing it than dancing on stage in front of hundreds of people we don't know, and having the moment captured by forcing the strange, old British man who has the misfortune of being seated next to me during a buffet take our picture.
As any bride will tell you, I didn't eat and barely had a drink for the entire duration of the wedding. So when it came cake time, you know I knocked over the flower girl and lept over tables to get to my slice - white cake with THICK layers of fudge and Bailey's Irish Cream, then smothered in buttercream.
I know, right?!?!
I'll pause while you go take an insulin shot.
So imagine my horror when I stood to talk to Cheese's sister and friend for a split second (for a conversation the revolved soley around the shape and quantity of my boobies/cleavage), and my cake was stripped out from underneath my nose. Needless to say, this Cake Whore complained about all the way until we got home from the honeymoon the following Monday.
But leave it to my honey to welcome me home from work on Tuesday with a mini-wedding cake, and a card that read, "Every bride should have her cake and eat it too."
From Cake Binge to Fitness - About two weeks later, I went on the Pumpkin Ride with my sister Devin and friend Mark. Look closely and you can see the remenents of the Second Wedding Cake stuck right there to my hips. Yeah, right...over...there.... Sure was nice of Devin to help me hide the plump with her bike.
Heck, I'm laughing even now as I look at this.
It's okay to admit you just want to eat up his face.
Even when he gets caught red-handed making poopies.
And if her hair wasn't enough to give myself whiplash with my eye-rolling, we now have Ms. Suri in her heels.
Yeah, because that's what make sense in this world.
A 3-year-old in heels.
Nuthin' weird about that at aaaaaaall......
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Sometimes I like to wear it curly.
P.S. Is it weird that I had a tag already for "Katie Holmes?"
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Despite this, I thought I would take a second to post some photos of some recent events (and eventually work my way back to the honeymoon and that stuff). And since I still don't feel great, it has to be done in parts - hence, Part I.
First up is Cheese's birthday. For as long as we have been together, he has wanted to go to Medieval Times - a dream born from the movie "Cable Guy."
And who am I to keep him from his dreams?
I have to admit - it was pretty fun. You really do get to eat with your hands, the foods not bad, and everyone that works is SUPER into their jobs that you can't NOT have fun. I was also worried that we would be the only adults there without children, but again - I was surprised. I mean, there were couples that even looked like they were on DATES.
Oh, and there's even a picture floating around on Cheese's FB page that has the four of us in COSTUMES.
I did it.
It's been DUN.
So Happy Birthday to Cheese! You can cross that off your Bucket List!