Hey, she may very well be a lovely person in everyday life, but we’ll never know -what with all the yapping about having “no fear,” or “having a light” or “opportunity something or another” or frankly whatever else she said as she yabbered away up there at the scale.
Week after week, Joelle has raised Bob’s blood pressure and punched the hearts of America, unifying us in our collective finger-crossings for either her epiphany or her voting off.
And after last week, it seemed that the frustration towards Joelle had reached a head, pushing her to height of public distain, nary to be challenged by another.
Until this week.
So without further ado-
Congratulations, David. You did it, man.
You pulled it off.
Few thought it possible, but you have globbered your way into Joelle’s coveted position.
You managed to swing the pendulum of scorn right in the direction of your oversized, fried chicken eatin’, Marlboro Man smokin’, can’t-be-bothered-to-lose-a-pound-despite-the-fact-that-your-partner-stands-to-pull-down-the-biggest-loss-in-BL-history head.
You sat at home, comfortable in your life of artery-clogging over-eating inactivity (or at the very least – not enough activity). You continued to smoke ‘em if you got ‘em (and apparently, you had ‘em).
Meanwhile, Danny boy was sweating with the heavies over on campus, subjecting himself to Jillian’s neck-vein-bulging torment, and learning how to substitute glazed donuts with Extra sugar free gum and Brita water.
Danny hiked himself up over those hills, while you hiked up your belt notches after a man-date with Burger King.
Listen, I’m not minimizing how hard it is to lose pounds when you’re not in the la-la world of the Malibu campus. Just ask my ass – it’ll tell you.
But man, it doesn’t even look like your trying.
No one is expecting you to pull the number Danny pulled at campus. But any thoughts to maybe not smoking when the cameras were present? Eating a carrot stick instead of a plate full of fried foods?
I don’t know about you, but just having those cameras in my face would force some sort of accountability, no?
So hats off to a job not-so-well-done.
I hope for your health and your future and your life, you will turn it around. I hope the bottom will rise up and hit you, and you will get it.
I hope you find those demons, you chase them down, and you kick their asses. For good.
'Cause what are your other options?