When you become an adult, you can drink legally.
But when you are an adult, it’s no longer socially acceptable to dress up in costume, wander through the neighborhood after dark, and beg neighbors for candy.
Or at least that’s what the cops told me last Halloween.
Lesson learned.
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Unfair
Halloween is a big fat tease for adults.
And I’m not referring to the Halloween parties that are like a get-out-of-jail-free-card for dressing like a porn star and letting the muffin-tops of the world five-five each other in their sexy nurse/firefighter/bumble bee/referee outfits.
Or the fact that it’s like the one time of the year that adults exert their right to take advantage of the otherwise-innocent costumes of little kids by putting a big old smutty twist on them (Or at least publicly – I can’t account for what your all do behind the closed doors of your bedrooms on any given Wednesday night.)
now wait just.one.stinking.minute. what kind of bumble bee has a machine gun?!?!
(Side note - you never really see a sexy Hobo. Can a hobo even be sexy? I don’t quite know. Discuss.)
No, the unfairness I’m referring to the fact that my increasing age is taking a toll on my metabolism, thus making it more and more difficult for me to smother myself in the sugary deliciousness that lines the aisles of my local Target without simultaneously committing myself to several hours on the treadmill or extra ass-kicking my personal trainer.
That, and that fact that my apartment is surrounded by other houses just giving the Good Stuff out for FREE.
FREE CANDY.
And I think we can all agree that the only thing better than candy is FREE candy.
I guess I will just have to be okay with curling up on the couch with my bowl of salt-free and taste—free low fat microwave popcorn and a scary movie, while praying I don’t die in my race the following morning.
Or maybe I will pull the bumblebee outfit from the closet and force Cheese to wear it, while I yell, "Dance Bumble Bee, DANCE!"
Hey, a girl still needs to have fun even without free candy.
8 comments:
OMG - don't post pictures of Cheese in the bumblebee costume! Or maybe do. I can't decide. It's like that morbid fascination with car crashes. Maybe you could dress as a pot of honey.
LOL!!
Do.
And a pic of him in the fairy costume.
I pull off sexy hobo every day of my life. *struts*
i think the bumblebees around my house have machine guns. they look like cheese.
Cheese in the bumble bee outfit.
I just threw up in my mouth a little..
I do that often when I come to this blog Meg.
You have that effect on me.
No really....thanks so much. It's my fault, I could choose to look away, but I don't.
I love Ellen in a totally, non-gay way... been a fan of hers since like, grade 9. that's a long time ago, believe me!
I replied to your comment the other day... not sure if you've been back yet but - I appreciate it :)
I just re-read this post, since ihavent' blogged anything new in , oh, I don't know....2 MONTHS!, and you haven't in 2 WEEKS....
And I thought to myself....
There's really nothing wrong with a Raggity Ann Porn Star Costume. How could there be?
Blog catching up here...
I had no Halloween this year due to dissertating. the one bonus was that there was no Halloween candy lying around to eat. But I really wonder if there is still some candy corn on clearance... I have a craving!
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