Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Of Food and Stuff

Remember when we used to crimp our hair? Yeah, me too. That was the SHIT. Or when we wore like two or three Swatches at the same time? Makes me laugh at what we thought was cool. I wonder what we will laugh at 20 years from now. My money’s on skinny jeans.

I can’t say for sure why, but I am always surprised when I see people rollerblading. But yet not as surprised as I was to see a lady running in leg warmers today.

Man, how disappointed were you when you eagerly bit into a chocolate bunny on Easter, only to realize it was hallow – not solid? I WAS *shakes fist at Easter bunny*

Not 100% sure what surprised me more – that I saw “Hot Tub Time Machine” in the theatres, that I liked it, or that I did this all without eating a single kernel of popcorn or candy. I’m gonna go with the lack of junk food because I can’t remember one other movie that I have ever gone to without eating either of these two things – and we go to the movies almost every week.

Dear Brad:

That is all.

Conversation with my husband:
Me: Why are we on a diet again?
Him: Because when I look down, I want to see my wee-wee.
Me: Well, I can see mine when I look down. Can I open the ice cream now?

Speaking of diet, I should explain that the husband and myself are not so much on a diet, per se, as we are trying to clean up our eating. This means no junk in the house, meals are laden with veggies, and our snacks are of the orange carrot-y variety instead of greasy fried salty potato-y variety. In addition, we have re-evaluated our perception of "portion" and late-night snacking.

“We” call it a lifestyle change.

“I” call it my own private hell.

As a former eating disorder individual, my previous obsession with food is minuscule compared to the amount of time I now spend thinking about it. I mean, I’m taking pictures of cake frosting containers at the grocery store and posting them to Facebook, for crying out loud. Not to mention the fact that hardly a conversation goes by the words “chocolate chip” aren’t mentioned.

Them is not the behaviors of the sane.

However, this is also eye-opening. It is really making me aware of how much mindless eating I do during the day, and how much of an emotional eater I really am. I mean, every time I get a little frustrated or bored or depressed, I head to the kitchen while grumbling about how “starving” I am.

And I’m not. I’m not starving at all.

I’m being a little whiney bitch, is all.

Also interesting (at least to myself) was an article I read this week about a recent study that found high fat and sugary food have the same addictive qualities as cocaine.

Now, I’ve never tired cocaine, but after the true detox of this past week, I can attest to the fact that I am very likely addicted to the sugar. I sort of knew this before – or at least make jokes about it- but now I am fairly certain it’s true. The need for increased amounts to experience a high, the obsessive thoughts when I don’t have it, the desperate scrounging in far corners of the house for a hidden stash – I’m one mini-skirt and some blue eye shadow away from making some really bad decisions just to score a Snickers.

It’s hard not to get discouraged about the lack of visible progress, as well. Now, I’m smart enough to know that things like this take time, but I would think that this new improved eating, coupled with ramped up training, would deliver at least some preliminary results.

And I got nuthin’.


A big fat donut hole.

Donut hole.


*crumbles to the ground weeping*

I better get hip bones sharp enough to slice turkey and clavicles I can hang laundry from out of all this.

And I know this will get easier. I mean, it’s sugar, for crying out loud. It’s not like it’s air or water.

Sweet, sweet buttercream frosted air and chocolate infused water….


prin said...

I was going to do my usual numbering thing, but I just miss you and your hilariousness and perspective of things. Like, really.

That is all.

xt4 said...

That was friggin' awesome.

Benson said...

After 3 weeks, it'll be fine. Until then, you're allowed to be a bitchy. Keep up the humor. for your sake and ours.
very funny post.
I nearly peed from my wee wee.
I can't believe I just typed that.

WannabeRunner said...

This made me almost fall off of my couch laughing. I feel you on the sugar withdrawals though. Ouch! Good luck!

jessica said...

So much to comment on, so little time...

Most importantly: Yes, we will laugh at skinny jeans. I see these misguided hip-endowed girls in them and just cringe for their future selves. So, so sad.

Captain Cactus said...

You're so right on the skinny jeans. If you had to pick one thing right now that will make all those future selves cringe looking back at the photos - that's the one.

As for the sugar cravings - totally hear you. They're the entire reason I feel the need to keep training, even when I don't always have races or anything I'm signed up for. As Cpt. Pants' other blog says - "I eat, therefore I train".

Mommymeepa said...

OMGOSH, you are so hilarious. Keep writing your way through the sugar withdrawls.

My favorite line:

"we" call it a lifestyle change.
"I" call it my own private hell.

Classic. I love your writing. You always make me smile and you know I can relate.

Love ya. HUGS.

Tyger Lily said...

Thank you for clarifying the fact that I'm a whiny bitch too! LOL :) I'm definitely NOT starving!

Alili said...

J and I couldn't contain our laughter and now we're quoting you. :)

Muneeb S said...

SO funny. thanks for sharing! :D :D

Bob Mitera said...

Jen is hot... if only she wasn't a smoker. Then I'd think she was hot; but since I'm happily married, her loss. (HA!)