Monday, August 1, 2011

Eating My Words (and everything else)

I swear I'll lay off the preggo posts soon, but right now, it's sort of all consuming. I mean, I don't think I am THAT girl that talks nonstop about the miracle of pregnancy, telling every cashier at the grocery/Target/Costco I'm knocked up and "validate me! validate me!" But yet it's still is a part of just about everything I do - considering I have this big round thing hanging off my body that prevents me from wearing anything resembling normal clothes and being able to put on socks.

But I felt I needed to say this - everything I always swore I would do/be as a pregnant broad is the exact opposite that I am.

Example #1:
"I don't understand how women just use pregnancy as a time to let themselves go and just eat themselves silly. I'll never do that - if I don't eat garbage now, I most certainly won't do it when I'm growing a baby."


Example #2:
"I don't know why women freak out about gaining weight when they get pregnant - YOU'RE PREGNANT! Of course you're going to put on a few pounds - there's a human inside of you!"

FUCK YOU, CLOSET. I hate you with all your stupid normal clothes. Go ahead, mock me. Mock me with your cute summer dresses, you sweet skirts, even your running shorts that I actually once needed to tie using the drawstrings. And don't EVEN LOOK AT ME, SCALE-AT-THE-DOCTOR'S-OFFICE. I see you and your smirking side eye, quietly judging as this nurse keeps moving that top marker higher..higher...I hate both of you. Leave me alone.

Example #3:
"Why are pregnant women always complaining? You're pregnant, did you not know you would be sick/fat/tired/uncomfortable?"

Husband (any given day): Hey babe. How was (hesitant pause because he knows what's coming) your day?
Me: Oh, you mean aside from the fact that my back is killing and I couldn't sleep? Or the fact that the the insomnia had me up at 3:30am? Or that I'm still sick? Or that I'm fucking fat and I hate myself for eating an entire bag of Reeces Pieces? Or wait - did I tell you about the fact that these headaches are destroying my ability to get any sort of work done? Which one? Take your pick."
Husband: Nevermind.

Ah yes, I am sure there are more examples of why I am the world's biggest hypocrite, but that's enough for now. I think that's enough self-shame for one night. Oh, and look at that - just as I am ending this post, Baby D starts kicking up a storm. I guess that's a pretty good note to end on!


prin said...

Why you gotta 'pologize for being preggers and it occupying your thoughts and time? Embrace it! I'm proud of you for being so brave.


And I bet you still look hot.

Alili said...

heeheehee. :)

Underneath it all you're still bad ass.

Carolina John said...

Just wait until the baby comes! We always tell people that having a baby will ruin life as you know it. They always say "you mean change for the better right?" no, I mean ruin. everything you used to enjoy is gone for 20 years and by then it won't be around anymore or will be completely different. "change" my ass.

When you see a woman in a retail store beating a crying child the people without kids think "oh that poor kid", but the parents around there think "oh that poor mom".

For the record I wouldn't trade my girls for anything else in the world, and I only use the term "beating" to make a point. Even in the south we don't put up with public child abuse. It's all worth it in the long run.

WildChildT said...

With your lifestyle your body will spring back into it's athletic shape in no time. Give yourself some slack right now girl, you are growing a beautiful baby inside you. As I say in hard races: this is only going to last for _____(fill in the blank), it's not forever. It may seem like forever but there is an end to this:) And what a wonderful end it will be. I can't wait to see pictures of the little guy/girl!

Lauren said...

Hey just see it as wisdom learned, next time you hear someone else saying those kinds of things you'll just smile inside and know that they'll undrestand ONE DAY. :)