Keep on Keepin' On

First – no baby yet. Seems that after his/her unsuccessful run towards the border, he/she had second thoughts and crawled right back up into my lady bits.

And proceeded to kick out my belly button.

So there’s that.

Don’t know how many more of these no-baby posts I’ll have before…well, before I have this baby. This might be it. So on to my final not-a-mom-yet thoughts.

What a Difference a Week Can Make
Talk about growth!!

Week 34 - Saturday


Week 35 - Saturday


Seven days, and my belly feels like it doubled in size. I know at this point the baby is packing on some pounds, so that might sort of explain it - but wow. Needless to say, Big Mama over here has DEFINITELY noticed a difference - from my sleep, to how I sit and walk, to even driving a car. Imagine my surprise at how difficult it is to click a seatbelt. True story.

Truth Serum
Did you watch The Office this week? About how everyone was telling Pam how great and radiant she looked as a pregnant lady, but then Dwight was honest and basically told her she looked like crap?

I.Knew.It.

But seriously, you know what I won’t miss?

This double chin.

Actually, it’s not so much a double chin as it is a complete loss of chin, and instead it looks like my mouth just turns right into a big long neck.

I look like that little kid from that movie "Gummo."

How does that even happen? That’s not mentioned ANYWHERE in my baby books.


Real conversation:
Me: Ugh. This apartment is crazy hot. Like, oven-hot.
Husband: No, no it’s not. It must be your newfound fatness.

(In related news, being pregnant makes you sweat…EVERYWHERE)

(Also, before you freak at my husband, it was a joke - even I laughed. He doesn't think I am fat, and probably would be okay if I stayed at this weight even after this kid comes out. He tells me all the time how I've never looked more beautiful as I do now and I know he really believes that.)


Speaking of….
Fuck you, inner thighs.

Fuck you and the chronic swamp ass you create.


Nerves
The closer I get to meeting my little buddy, the more anxious I have become. My husband has a good handle on the excitement part – but me? I’m a mess of nerves. A bloated, tearful, hungry mess of nerves. There’s not one aspect of this that I am not afraid of. And that’s the painful, honest truth.

Did I mention hungry?

I know this will change, but right now – it is what it is.


Now, I Don't Mean to Complain, But...
I am astounded at how little people give a shit about basic courtesy when you're pregnant.

See me and my basketball belly walking in a crosswalk while you wait at a Stop sign? Feel free to honk impatiently, or fuck it - just blow through the sign completely. Who cares, right?

In a grocery store and need to get by me? Sorry my big fat pregnant self is hoggin up the isle, but just go right on ahead and actually use your cart to push me to the side to get through without so much as an "excuse me."

See me right behind you entering a store? Eh, don't bother holding a door - my belly may be big but my chubby little hands work just fine!

What's crazy is that - in all three of the aforementioned scenarios - it would still be a violation of basic common courtesy even if I wasn't pregnant. But you would think that people would actually maybe make a slight better effort seeing me with my enormous front-self. Hellz no. People just don't give a shit.

And while I'm ranting - can someone please explain to me where the courtesy wave has gone? You know, the one you should get when you let a driver into your lane, even if they waited until the last minute or are driving like a super a-hole? They should give you a little, "Hey man, thanks for the favor" wave, right?

Well, either they've outlawed those here in Illinois, or people simply are just so entitled these days they don't feel the need to acknowledge a pleasentry.

Go ahead and discuss because I need to pause and take my third shower of the day – this hobo BO isn’t going to clean itself.