Wednesday, May 9, 2012


Before we go back to our regularly scheduled blog programming (which for this blog would be a post in say, eh, two months from now?), I wanted to say thanks for all the supportive words.

In typical M form, I felt all embarrassed immediately after I put up that post - like, now everyone can see my big old public meltdown.  But whatever - it is what it is.  It happened (is happening) and that's life.  It can't always be puppy dogs and rainbows all the time.  Well, it can, but then I would want to know what medication you were on.

There were also a few things that I failed to say before my brain vomit took over.  The first is that I have reached out for help, though I would admit that it was probably not as much as I need to.  My family does live close to me, and they have jumped in here and there to help (like taking Baby D for a few hours so I can go a meeting or to the gym), but they all have their own families and lives, so it's hard to ask them to drop their families just to help take care if mine.  Both of my sisters have careers and barely see their own kids, so asking them to come over and spend time with mine seems...not okay.  My mom also has helped out, but she lives far, and most of her free days are spent taking care of her sister or babysitting my nieces and nephews.  And I am super uber grateful for any help that they have provided, but I just have a hard time asking for it.

But in the last few weeks, I've just put these thoughts aside and asked for help - I figure, if they can't help, they will just say no.  But it can't hurt to ask.  It's hard for me, but I've been trying to do it.

Also, the person that really has the shit end of the stick is my husband. It's kind of shitty of me to complain about having to hang with my kid every day when he goes months without seeing him.  I can't even imagine what it must feel like to have see your child grow up through pictures texted to him, or a Skype session every now and then.  It would suck, I tell you. And he's super isolated for weeks on end.  But I know that he is sacrificing for the best interest of the family, and in the near future (to be discussed next post), we will be in better place all around, and my husband will finally be able to be off the road.

So yeah.  That's that.  I'm getting back on my feet, slowly but surely.  Thanks again for the kind words.  At some point I'll get to my race report.  Probably around the time I run the next one in 10 days.


Amber said...

How about trading babysitting services with your sisters? That way you don't have the guilt because they get benefits too!

Carolina John said...

hang in there baby. it takes a village, and your family is willing to do more than you expect; I know mine was/is. Nobody can effectively tell you how difficult it is to start out a newborn, it's just something we [parents] all have to get through.

prin said...

I thought your sisters were opening some sort of daycare-like-thing? No? Is that not what it was?

How about finding an in-home daycare for a couple of hours on a couple of days a week to help you out?

Also, just because somebody laments what you have, that doesn't mean it can't suck for you. Working from home is everybody's dream because they don't know what it's like. They don't know you can't shut it off at 5PM and how it lingers and looms ALL THE TIME so you never feel free.

Your hubby desperately wants time with the bub, sure, because he's spent almost no time with him. You've spent every minute nearly with him since he was born. Sometimes, I go to the store just to get a break from my dogs so I can appreciate them again when I get home. We all get cabin fever. It's ok and it's not ungrateful.

You're awesome, M. You have to remember that. So then that means that if you're awesome (by default) and you're struggling, then that shit's just harder than anything anybody can handle. That's it. It's not a reflection of you or your abilities. Sometimes, the lesson we're supposed to learn is not how much we can take on but that we need to ask for help, no matter how uncomfortable it is to do so. We can't do it alone. We're built into communities for a reason.

And really, whine away. If the past two posts are what you consider whining, then they make my whining look like a screaming toddler who is talking to you but you can't understand a word he's saying? Yeah.

/end lectury rant. :D

You rock. End of story.

(Are we still not using your name? Because I don't know, sometimes I just whip it out... Sorry.)

Suzanne said...

Love your awesome sisters! This is what family does and yours is a prime example!!! Love that you are doing better!