Before we go back to our regularly scheduled blog programming (which for this blog would be a post in say, eh, two months from now?), I wanted to say thanks for all the supportive words.
In typical M form, I felt all embarrassed immediately after I put up that post - like, now everyone can see my big old public meltdown. But whatever - it is what it is. It happened (is happening) and that's life. It can't always be puppy dogs and rainbows all the time. Well, it can, but then I would want to know what medication you were on.
There were also a few things that I failed to say before my brain vomit took over. The first is that I have reached out for help, though I would admit that it was probably not as much as I need to. My family does live close to me, and they have jumped in here and there to help (like taking Baby D for a few hours so I can go a meeting or to the gym), but they all have their own families and lives, so it's hard to ask them to drop their families just to help take care if mine. Both of my sisters have careers and barely see their own kids, so asking them to come over and spend time with mine seems...not okay. My mom also has helped out, but she lives far, and most of her free days are spent taking care of her sister or babysitting my nieces and nephews. And I am super uber grateful for any help that they have provided, but I just have a hard time asking for it.
But in the last few weeks, I've just put these thoughts aside and asked for help - I figure, if they can't help, they will just say no. But it can't hurt to ask. It's hard for me, but I've been trying to do it.
Also, the person that really has the shit end of the stick is my husband. It's kind of shitty of me to complain about having to hang with my kid every day when he goes months without seeing him. I can't even imagine what it must feel like to have see your child grow up through pictures texted to him, or a Skype session every now and then. It would suck, I tell you. And he's super isolated for weeks on end. But I know that he is sacrificing for the best interest of the family, and in the near future (to be discussed next post), we will be in better place all around, and my husband will finally be able to be off the road.
So yeah. That's that. I'm getting back on my feet, slowly but surely. Thanks again for the kind words. At some point I'll get to my race report. Probably around the time I run the next one in 10 days.