Tennessee 2010

This past weekend, a long overdue trip down south (well, south for this Chicago gal), was made to see my younger brother Nolan, his wife Jenny, and sweet face baby Brody.

The last time I saw my brother and his family was in June, when Brody was just about four months old. I've been saying I wanted to go down and see them and chill out in Tennessee (which I love), but I let work get in the way for the last several months.

Finally, completely burned out from my job and really missing my brother, I pulled the trigger on a long weekend trip.

I got into town late Thursday, and on Friday was given the honor of taking care of baby Brody all day while Jenny and Nolan went to work.

I was ecstatic at the idea that I got to spend so much uninterrupted time getting to know my nephew.

But I'm not sure Brody was entirely on board with this plan:

"Hey Brody, this is your aunt Megan."

"And she's going to take care of you today."



We made the best of it though. We ate some Goldfish, we had some milkies, we tried to change a diaper. But when he wouldn't lay still for me to get the saturated diaper off, I was sort of stumped.

So I gave him a bath.

In the middle of the day.

I guess this is sort of weird thing to do, but hey - he didn't seem to mind. Well, at least until he wanted out, and then screamed because I think he was cold.

But we got him dressed - a small miracle on my end, because I can barely manage to get out of my pjs each day and most days don't bother until I go to the gym at the end of the day. Don't hate though - that little benefit of my job is balanced out by the body-beating stress and emotional exhaustion of my line of work.

After a nap for Brody and shower time for me, we hit the local social scene.

Club Wal-Mart.

Holla!

I really just wanted to get out of the house, and didn't know where the nearest park was, so I opted for the next closest form of amusement we Chicagoans aren't normally privy to - fantastic savings at Wal-Mart.

And in true Megan's-an-Idiot form, I couldn't get his other shoe on so I was like, "Eff it, let's go."


And no, there is absolutely NOTHING weird about walking around Wal-Mart in Tennessee.

With beer in the cart.

And a one-shoed baby.

At noon.

On a weekday.

(seriously though - the beer was for beer bread I was going to make - I swear.)

Check out the pimp lean - "Heeeeey girl! Love the playa, hate the game!"
I am also mildly ashamed that I was 20 minutes into our 30 minute shopping expedition when I noticed Brody tugging on the strap - only to realize I needed to actually strap him in. I guess that explains the forward lean he had going on. I thought he was just really intrigued by the pattern of floor tile.

But of course, it wasn't all fun and Wal-Mart games. Someone took a header into the fireplace and landed himself a black eye.

Oh boy.

My brother and I were on our way home from hunting when Jenny called to tell us about the eye. Shit, I fet horrible. I told them both when they got home from work that he had fallen, but I didn't see a scratch at the time so I thought maybe he had just scared himself - turns out, he was actually hurt. Talk about feeling like an asshat. All these hours of childcare under my belt and Brody has to get the first injury on my watch.

And yeah - you read the first sentence of that last paragraph right - Nolan took me HUNTING.

Nolan started hunting last year, but he bow-and-arrow hunts. I actually think this is pretty cool, because I think that take a lot of skill and seems like a bit of a fairer fight.

But he also uses a gun, which he was using on this particular outing. He was really excited to bring this once-vegan city girl into the thicket to catch herself some deer.

In the end, I was more or less the "company." We didn't get a deer that morning, but I did learn a ton about hunting, things to look for, migration factors, and all sorts of odds and ends when one is out catching deer. I am not sure how I would have handled it if I was actually confronted with taking down my would-be-dinner, but I never had to find out.


Me having a Sarah Palin moment (cue the eye rolling and judgment of my liberal friends and family - hey, unless your vegan, the meat you eat comes from somewhere)

But seriously though - I think the pink really softens things up, yeah?

The rest of the weekend was spent more or less lolly-gagging around, eating bad food and doing no physical activity at all (which I paid for when I can home and tried to do a semi-long run on Monday - gawd, I felt like I had four butt cheeks jumping up and down and trying to escape my tights).

But overall I really had a blast. I love getting out of Chicago, spending time in Tennessee, and letting Brody get to know his Chicago kin. It sometimes makes me sad that he may never know us as well as my sweet nephews Nolan and Aiden, or precious baby Ford, but I hope that in the coming years, there will be more than twice-yearly visits.

I really enjoyed my new experiences with my brother as well. I have never really had a chance to spend time with him in the absence of all the other family, so that was cool. I am grateful that he introduced me to something I knew nothing about, as I really value the learning aspect of "living off the land." I'm proud of him and the life he has he established down there.

And just in case you aren't totally convinced of the cuteness of sweet face Brody, I will leave you with some more delicious evidence.

He's killing me with that face!
Dancing with daddy to 50 cent.

Hey girl. Yeah you. Wanna share a milkie?
Yes. Yes you are.
Our attempt at Christmas card photo. Don't worry - no babies were harmed in the process.
See? He loved it. Well, until he didn't.

Santa's little helper and his momma.

Love you guys - counting down the days until I get to smooch on the face again.

Everything I Have To Say....

...is usually reserved for Facebook these days.

Hence, the dust bunnies on El Bloggo.

But since many of my recent communications with my family follow along the lines of, "Dude, are you dead, or did you just forget you have a blog?" I decided maybe it's time to check into my little space in the blogosphere.

So what follows is a mash up of some recent (okay, maybe kinda old) pictures that I have frankly been too spankin' lazy to post.

Welcome to Hawaii.
End of our first day. I seem to be contemplating either:

a. How small we humans are when compared to the massive world and ocean.

b. How lucky I am to be married to my man.

c. How on earth I plan to organize all those grill pans, fry pans, tupperware, dishes, flatware, and vases we received in out tiny apartment.

d. How to get my bowels to open up after a 9-hour flight.

Malasados. Known to us mortals as a big donut-like puff covered in sugar and served hotly fried. As my husband says, "They're stick-your-dick-in-it-good." I apparently preferred to just give myself a facial with them instead.
Guess the stress of leisure reading was simply too much for my mind to handle. Thus, I must rest. And tan.
Hands off ladies. He's a married man.
Mr. Merman.
"How come I can't see any fish? What? Oh, my face has to go IN the water."
Me in my Donna Reed/Mad Men 60s-style dress at dinner.

Oh, and my husband was there, too.
I had to burn off my two plates of luau pork somehow, and what better way of doing it than dancing on stage in front of hundreds of people we don't know, and having the moment captured by forcing the strange, old British man who has the misfortune of being seated next to me during a buffet take our picture.
As any bride will tell you, I didn't eat and barely had a drink for the entire duration of the wedding. So when it came cake time, you know I knocked over the flower girl and lept over tables to get to my slice - white cake with THICK layers of fudge and Bailey's Irish Cream, then smothered in buttercream.

I know, right?!?!

I'll pause while you go take an insulin shot.

(Pause)

So imagine my horror when I stood to talk to Cheese's sister and friend for a split second (for a conversation the revolved soley around the shape and quantity of my boobies/cleavage), and my cake was stripped out from underneath my nose. Needless to say, this Cake Whore complained about all the way until we got home from the honeymoon the following Monday.

But leave it to my honey to welcome me home from work on Tuesday with a mini-wedding cake, and a card that read, "Every bride should have her cake and eat it too."

From Cake Binge to Fitness - About two weeks later, I went on the Pumpkin Ride with my sister Devin and friend Mark. Look closely and you can see the remenents of the Second Wedding Cake stuck right there to my hips. Yeah, right...over...there.... Sure was nice of Devin to help me hide the plump with her bike.

Sweet girl.
So I repaid her by laughing and taking pictures when she fell off her bike.

Heck, I'm laughing even now as I look at this.

But she recovered well, yes?
Sweet reward.
No post is complete without some shout-out to my littlest nephew, Aiden.

It's okay to admit you just want to eat up his face.
Even when he gets caught red-handed making poopies.
And if her hair wasn't enough to give myself whiplash with my eye-rolling, we now have Ms. Suri in her heels.

Yeah, because that's what make sense in this world.

A 3-year-old in heels.

Nuthin' weird about that at aaaaaaall......

So About That Vacation...

Yeah, DIRE NEED.

Anyone else feel just absolutely zonked by the time Friday rolls around?

My motivation to work or do anything really is obliterated.

I also work most Saturday mornings in private practice, so I kind of have to keep going until Sunday.

And then that's only one day to recharge!

And please, don't take that as a complaint about working - I think we all know how fortunate us employed are, and frankly I do enjoy my work. And given the recent budget proposal for our state -the one with all the cuts and that awesome income tax hike - I am going to appreciate it even more if I don't lose it.

Although the upside to working this hard is that I am making myself virtually indispensible to the team, and doing so with 100% completion rate (hard to explain, but trust me - 100% anything is really, really good).

So back to burnout - I picked up Cheese at the airport last night from his most recent 21-day work trip to Baton Rouge (and yes, that's 21 straight, 18+ hour days, no weekends off).

In addition to us being both Walking Dead, I was surrounded by people all tan and giddy from their Spring Break trips.

I could still smell the suntan lotion as they walked by in their shorts and flip flops (despite Chicago's 30 degree weather last night - ahhh, to be young again).

The only thing that stopped me from booking the next flight to Anywhere-But-Chicago, USA, was the fact that I had Cheese standing next to me after a very long 21 day absence.

That, and the fact that my schedule does not allow for any vacation time right now. I think it would give my boss a Grabber if I peaced-out for a week. I am already scheduled to be out of town for one Friday next week for my engagement party/half marathon in Kansas, and a Friday at the end of April for my half-marathon/visit my brother in Nashville.

And these are all good times - but not a beach in site. So by the time I could probably go somewhere with an ocean view, it will already be summer, and wedding stuff will be in full swing (not to mention that my vacation days repopulate in July, so they will all be saved for the honeymoon).

So Chicago it is - and I can just live vicariously through everyone elses trips and pictures.

Unless anyone has any suggestions......

Yeah, Yeah, I Already Know I Blog-Suck

I know I promised these pictures like 100 years ago, but funny how work and wedding get in the way of just about everything. Geesh. And boy, I can't wait to let loose about the wedding already. But alas, to be saved for the next post.

And let me preface this entire post by saying that this trip was arranged (date and place) through Cheese's work, so I had no previous knoweldge of the world we were about to enter into.

Having said that, let's begin.


First night there - we noticed that there were few regular cars and lots of tiny electric cars or bikes or vespas to transport around the island. We were lucky enough to get bikes through Cheese's company, but I thought this little car was cute.

First night, after dinner, at the bar - at this point, we had started to notice something was up with this place...lots of...um...interesting characters at this bar (not referring to the couple - Demi and June - behind us - they were part of our group).

Cheese getting his buzz on, me wondering how much longer I have to inhale cigarette smoke...

Having left the bar, we made our way back to the car, stopping for a portriat along the way. It was just moments after this that we noticed two couples walking across the street, both appearing to be in their mid-50s (we have pictures taken with Demi's camera, but I am waiting for this particular beauty to be forwarded to me because my words will never do the event justice). One of these women was wearing a pink low-cut dress that road up so high as she walked, it sat almost at her waist, thus exposing her...lady bits. On the street. Just hanging out.

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For all to see.

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Makes sense though - why wear a dress that short if you're only going to keep the bits covered with panties? Or maybe in these tough economical times, she was forced to forgo the panties, and could only afford a ill-fitting shirt. Hmmm.....

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June from our group ran over for a picture and as the foursome and June posed, the husband...wait for it....hold on....it's good...PULLED HIS WIFE'S TOP DOWN TO EXPOSE HER BOOBIE.

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LIKE, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET. TO STRANGERS.

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JUST A BIG FLAPPIN' BOOBIE.

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And just like that, the tone for the weekend was set.

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It's on film. Horrifyingly so. I told Cheese the if he ever did that to me in public, I would cut his twig and berries right off then and there with my car key.

Next day, at the beach.

My favorite part of the trip - tooling around on our cruising bikes. WIth my little basket. Love it!

Cheese and his set of wheels.

Last full day - we did this thing where we spent the whole day doing activites like parasailing, wave running, and snorkeling. We were on this boat for most of the day.

Us, and another couple we were with - man, trust me when I say the group we were with could DRINK! I pussed out each night after two beers (hey, I was on vacation, and this was cutting loose for me!) but our group shut it down every night.

Waiting our turn to parasail.

Almost up.....

That's us!

Post-snorkling, on our way back to shore.

And here ya go - Nekkid Pic #1 (you won't seem much more then this though - despite the weirdness being no deterant to Cheese, I had trouble digesting the 70-year-old bare breasts, so I will withhold those pictures). This particular gal has no actual clothes on - just paint. And she was like a local celebrity, and just walked the streets while people took pictures. Cheese looks bored, yeah?

Ah, the natural beauty of the island. Sweet girls.
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Oh, let me tell you this - moments after this, a 70-year-old woman in a mascarade mask (as if to be modest), nipple pasties (!), and a mini skirt (that was more like a belt and less like a skirt, as evidenced by her lady bits exposed) explained to us this whole idea of Fanstasy Fest. Again, I appear to be the only person in the world to not know this. Frankly, I appreciated her take on the week's event of "An Adult Halloween," but I'd be lying if I said I didn't get a touch queasy as her flappy boobies brush my arm.

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As if this wasn't enought, Cheese, I and our group went to another bar, only to witness two 65-year-old ladies with GINORMOUS exposed boobies flashing for pictures. Like, yeah - someone's grandmothers.

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And the night's topper? A lovely upstanding gentlman apporach Granny #1 AND LICKED HER BOOBIE. ON THE STREET!!!! LICKED IT!!!! AND SHE WAS OLD!!!!!!
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Cripes.

Last stop - Kareoke. I was the last of our group to go, and so terribly unwillingly that I was actually ambushed into it - here is a look of my "I will fucking kill you Cheese in the privacy of our room, but right now I will put on a happy face for our group so that they don't see the Devil Megan." There is actually video of this - I debated posting it, because it's truly horrid...but yet oddly laughable.....

Moments before we took off for the airport - this was actually half a block from our hotel, so we really were out there in the middle of the ocean. I am still expecting some pictures from our group, so as they come in, I will post!