Monday, May 4, 2009

My Facebook Status Update Rejects


-Wishes people would stop making it so easy for me to dislike them.

-Continues to be surprised that the “cool kids” from high school didn’t age well. So that’s what coke bloat looks like….

-Thinks it's funny that you have no hair left. Yes you, Brendan.

-Thinks some babies look weird. Is that mean?

-Hates interviewing parents in jail, but is secretly fascinated by jail culture.

-Should have known better than to wear a sundress to jail for said interview.

-Wonders if she should put up her wedding picture as her profile pic too, just like everyone else.

-Thinks, “If only she knew then what she knows now.”

-Really wants to say eff it to this FB thing, but can’t break free from my addiction to other people’s pictures.

-Smelled like a goat today.

-Wants to punch bad parents in the head. Clearly, it's been one of those days.

-Rants about people looking for a quick fix to their weight problems, but would probably use it if one came along.

-Hates how dirty I feel at the end of the day.

-Appreciates travel reimbursment.

-Just farted.

-Shut down her Twitter account, mere weeks after she opened it. Because sometimes, enough is simply enough.

-Had to look away laughing when her nephew was crying yesterday. Not because I thought his frustration was funny, but because the face that accompanied his oppositional tantrum was hysterical.

-Just read over this list, and realized she will most definitely be a shitty parent.


prin said...

Prin thinks this post is wicked awesome. :D

Well, not that last one. That one's wrong. But the rest is awesome. :D

Go Mom Go said...

I am shutting down my twitter acct too...can't really figure out why twitter is such a pull for people.

FB -- I have just been unfriending people left and right. They are ones that I could really care less about, I have lived 20 yrs without thinking about them so why do I wan't to be their "friend" now.

great list!

Fave said...

i'm confused...are these bad status updates?

ps - please tell me you saw this article,,20276619,00.html

Alili said...

There are definitely times when FB is one big hot mess and other times I can't pull myself away.

Benson said...

Thanks for the updates...
I think.
Good of you to realize when it's enough.

Cindy Jo said...

Love this post! Please don't use your wedding pic for FB - it is SO tacky. I mean, is one's entire identity tied to being a bride for a day, LOL!

Twitter is great for those times you're stuck in the shitter in a public place with no other reading material!

T. said...

LOVE the FB updates. I could almost copy them word for word and apply it to myself. Have been struggling with wanting to close down FB but it is such a confidence booster- right?!

the goat smells lingers here as well...

Erin said...

I cut out twitter the day Oprah joined. I had been on for a year and it was easy to quit. FB on the other hand may be hard to cut out. I've been unfriending people and then putting them on ignore so they can't find me. Works like a charm

Andra Sue said...

Hah. :)

And yes, I've thought pretty much all of those myself as well!

p.s. Twitter must die!!!

rUntoNamAste said...

LMAO - you are too much. You have two weeks worth of awesome status updates. Don't discard them!

I really want to deactivate my FB account but it has some sick hold on me - us! One day. One fine day!

Ellen said...

oh honey, laughing at the tantrum makes you a good parent. and did i sense the slightest possibility of you becoming a parent sometime this decade?

The (IRON) Clyde said...

Bad parent? You'll be fine. You are not bad until you can beat the following:

The neighbors returning your daughter twice on Saturday because she snuck out from the backyard and decided to become Christopher Columbus and explore the world......

P.O.M. said...

Ha. Awesome list.
My peeve is the stupid quizzes everyone takes and they fill up your home page. ger.

(Just found your blog)

The Young Family said...

You will be a great parent! Yes it is ok to laugh when kids throw tantrums.... mostly I hate holding babies that are not mine, and yes they mostly all look really strange as babies. My hubby and I recently looked at some pics of our little ones as babies, and we asked the question, "Did he always look like that?" I swore he looked different.... it is ok.

FB - wow some days are great on it other days - I think the same thing... I haven't talked to most of these people in 17 years, why start now?



RunBubbaRun said...

I guess I will not try to be your friend on facebook, because you would make fun of my pictures.

Oh I just farted too..

Oh, by the way, I think you really don't know if you are crappy parent until they are grownups, then you are close to death anyways, so I guess you won't have to much time to think about what you did wrong anyways.