Woa Is Me

I caught a case of the sads.

I have decided that I am not sad about losing my job (with no prospects in sight) - rather, I am just REALLY angry at why I am losing my job.

And it's really hard to maintain a positive outlook when my supervisees are sobbing during their supervision times, and having anxiety attacks as they wrap up their work. But the absolute worst is when my boss - the calmest, most professional supervisor I have ever had - is struggling to keep it together during conversations about returning computers and shutting down cell phones.

But I would also be lying if I said it was only the job stuff - really, it's just sort of everything at this point.

But instead of doing a full-blown post about the atrocities my state government is committing in the name of a tax hike, or post one of those countdown clocks for the remaining minutes of employment, I am going to focus on the positive.

Because frankly, there are a lot of good things happening.

First off, I have been holding onto a nugget of information for several weeks. You, the reader, might know this informtion already - if you were quick enough to catch it on a post a few weeks back before I was instructed to take it down.

Turns out, this ol' girl's about to become an aunt again!

My brother - well, really, his wife Jenny - is pregnant!

So with Ellen's due in August (although the baby's been basically hanging out of her vagina for a few weeks, filling out college applications and waiting on the approriate time to just totally fall the heck out), and Nolan's little guy/gal on the way, I am aunt x 3!!!!!

Poor kids.

Other good news?

My back doctor seems to have worked his little magic. My back has remarkably improved in jsut the last four weeks. Which makes me wonder what the heck my other doctor was doing for the last two years.....

My knee is still problematic, so my doctor tapes it once or twice a week with that kinisio-or-something tape to give the knee cap some extra support.

And crazy enough, it works.

So....uh....hmph.

That...uh...seems to be about it....

.....Thought I had some more stuff for you......

*crickets*

Man, I'm lame.

Just Wrong

No matter what side of the fence you stand on when it comes to Washington, you have to know this is shitty:

http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2009/03/president-ob-15.html

Considering my family's own investment in children with special needs, and my post from just two weeks ago, this turned my stomach.

All the things he could have said, and he likens his skills to the Special Olympics.

How truly sensitive of him.

And you effing hell know that if this were a Republican, people would be screaming until their lungs bled.

Shameful.

Of course, this is a grain of sand on the beach of a government that truly seems to spinning out of control. For the first time since all this bailout stuff went down, I felt pretty hopeless today. The hole that they are willy-nilly digging this country is outragous.

I think most people accepted the stimulus bill out of fear and insecurity over a "crisis." When you are told by your leader that your country is on the verge of collapse, you freak, you trust, you believe. Were there a few things in there that will give the economy a boost? Sure. But were there a shitload more of things that in no way, shape, or form be considered "Emergency?" Absoltely.

And that's an important difference - the bill was an "emergency" spending bill turned lets-use-this-crisis-to-our-own-advantage-bill.

And now - infusing one trillion dollars into the economy - just printed up like the pages of my dissertation - is asking for a collapse. I'll fully admit that I am no economist, but this can't possibly be a good thing.

I mean, doesn't anyone in Washington think that maybe there was a REASON we have never done this much spending in the history of this country? Did they just assume that all previous governments were stingy?

Seems to me that it was never done becuase the consequences down the road are far too extreme. And while yes, we are in a recession - it is not the worst ever seen, and the country has pulled itself out before, without these extreme measures.

And I simply don't feel there is anyone up there that seems to give a shit, who can actually - with true honesty - say that they are "working for the people." Both sides of that fense are getting what they want so Fuck the people, right?

And for the record, this isn't a Left v Right thing - they are all part of it, they are all responsible for not slowing down this train. And we as Americans are responsible for buying Washington's bullshit.

I mean, millions of people showed up for the historical inaugeration- why can't millions of Americans need to now band together and stand in front of Congress and say, "WTF?!?!"

You know, people cried FOUL (and still are) that Bush used fear and lies to engage us in war - with echos of impeachment throughout his presidency.

What do you think Washington - and our President - is doing now? And with your money? With your future? With your children's future? Using a tough economic time to push through their own agenda - An agenda that has the potential to devestate our economy, change the basic strucutre of our country, and even violate constitutional law to do it.

All of this - this whole thing - just feel so shitty right now.


UPDATE:
I just pulled this off of an updated version of the same story:

"Obama made his comments at the show's taping, and it was unclear whether all of them would actually air later in the evening."

Of course.

I mean, seriously. Why fucking bother anymore?

Red

Today was one of those days where my rage far surpassed any type of rage I may have ever had towards anybody.

Ever.

I mean, there was probably not a single person I didn't hate today for some reason or another.

(okay fine, except for the girl I interviewed that just came into foster care - I just wanted to give her a big hug, and hi-five the foster mom who just loves the pants off this kid)

But then it was right back to rage.

Blood red.

And to make it worse, every turn I made in my car, every decision I made about things as insignficant as where to get my next cup of coffee - EVERY SINGLE thing- just was wrong.

Things I Hate Today:

My clothes that don't fit
The traffic I spent four hours in
Parents that can't take care of children and fuck them up
This election
People that think they are the Pope
The food damage I did over the last few weeks
Swimming
The fact that I am doing everything I can to waste all those months of fitness
Ignorant people
Bad skin
People that don't do their work or half-ass it because they have a supervisor (me) to clean up
Having to work twice as hard because of those people, and thus working until 3am every night, but yet still making the same shitty pay
The fact that this isn't going to change anytime soon
That I had to actually think about it when the foster mother asked me today if my degree was worth the money put into it

Yeah, I know I should be counting my blessings and making lists of all the things I love - blah, blah, blah. But I can't. Not today.

And at the heart of this anger isn't really anger at all - it the snowball effect of a lot of a things to just really make me feel hopelessness.

Fucking hopeless.

Sobbing-from-worry-and-anger-type hopeless.

The kind of hopeless where it seems that - no matter how much I stick with it, no matter how hard I work, I am simply never going to move forward.

That we collectively aren't moving forward.

And the feeling that I have very little control over that.

Well, on that happy note, I'm off to make some more coffee. It's 10:54pm, I am about to embark on my 14th hour of work, and will be up through tomorrow morning, just to turn around and do it all again.