Sunday, April 12, 2009

Hey, it's a Start...

Yeah, yeah - long time not talk. I could blame it on Facebook, but then I would have to admit that I neglect that too. I think that (despite what my family says to the contrary) I simply don't have a lot to say lately.

You can only bitch about the weather and a job for so many posts, no?

So here's a smattering of what's been in my head.


1. I have decided that I will never been an Ironman champ. Why? Boobs are too big.

Surely that is the only reason.


2. I am pretty sure I have the world’s worst muscle tone. I mean, even though my little legs can take me on a 3-hour brick any given Sunday, they have the cellulite look of an 80-old smoker who has led a life of leisure and inactivity. I don’t get it. I am going to be forced to run my ½ marathon in Nashville in running pants just to hide the atrocity.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

You know - us girls can't a flippin' break, like EVER. First, it's the whole 3-decades long mentration bullshit, with all it's cramps and PMS and blood and tampon glory. And then, just when you think you've done your "Lady Time," you have to suffer another decade or two of menapause and it's hot-flash fabulousness and hormone replacement. Oh, and if you're "lucky," you get a few 9-month vacations in there. But fear not - those vacations end WITH A KID.

What the fuck kind of present is that?!?!?

It's crap.

What do boys get?

Maybe a receeding hairline and some extra pudge. And yet they're the ones entitled to mid-life crisis?!? They can all just suck it. Suck my big fat leg cellulite.


3.Greatest lesson learned this weekend? Activa gives me diarrhea. Of course, the ass explosion is only secondary to the rock-hard stomach-extending bloat and gas the precedes it. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking –

Thank GAWD I am engaged.


4. So I joined Twitter. Because in addition to the blog AND Facebook status updates, I figured that it is absolutely imperative that there be not.one.single.second of my life that goes unnoticed or unannounced.

I mean, if you can’t live out loud, how can you live?


5. Greatest part of Easter dinner (besides my mom's cooking)?

Watching my nephew dance to and sing "I Hate This Part (Right Here)."

Because nothing celebrates the death and resurrection of Christ like a two-year-old singing the words to a Pussycat Dolls song.

The shit warms the cockles of the heart, you know?

(truth be told - it was effing HYSTERICAL and I can't wait to get the video to post it. so the question is: does that make me a bad aunt that i completely and whole heartedly encourage these performances? i think not. in fact, i think that the easter basket i brought him filled with candy, paint, and -yes- tattoos, sort of cancels out any "bad" i could do as an aunt.

it's true.

it's just how the world works.

i don't make the rules.)

11 comments:

prin said...

I concur on all points except the cellulite. See, when you look down at it, there are shadows that aren't there in normal life. And I know what you're going to say- in the bathroom mirror, they're there too, but see, the lights are from above there also, and so technically, you're still looking at the down shadows even if you're looking at them from the side. You see what I'm saying?

I should have just stuck with, "You're a fine piece of ass." Much simpler.

And I suppose there could be worse songs for Nolan to sing on Easter... :D

Kathleen said...

Ahhh, I hear ya on cellulite. You crack me up :-)

Amy said...

1. boobs are a freakin' pain in the, um, tits. Sports bras and chaffing, cold on the nipples which makes them hurt oh so freakin' much (or is that just me?)

2. ditto. add in the start of weird veins. Where the hell did those blue lines come from???

3. do they really need to make that shit in prune flavour??? isn't that overkill?

4. can I facebook you :)

love the lists of what is in Megan's head. It's like looking into my own. Kind of twilight zonish. Cue eerie music.

Tri-Angle said...

No, No, No

YOU have it bad????

YOU have it bad????


Ok..I get the whole t.o.t.m. thing and menopause....well, I've heard.

But sister, speakin for the men here,

WE HAVE TO PUT UP WITH YOU!!!!

Nuff said.

Boys, am I right?

Of course I'm right.

And sometimes, it flat out sucks. And don't tell me, we can walk away.....I know we can....but we almost always come back..when you're awake.

M said...

Tri-Angle-

I will choke a bitch OUT with that comment. And I'm not even on the rag right now.

Put up with US?!?!!?

You man-bitches would be NOWHERE without us women.

You better check yourself.

(hahahaha...no, but seriously - check yourself)

Spie said...

1. Lack of boobs has not made me any faster.. In fact, I would suggest that boobs give you an advantage in the swim. They are like little (or big) PFDs right?

2. This is probably TMI, but if you nurse your child and mother nature is in a generous mood you can stretch that 9 months practically out to two years. (Really two years).

Oh, and I doubt that you have the legs of an 80 year old --I've seen pictures and you DO NOT have cankles.

3. If you think Activia is bad, please do not try FIBER ONE bars, they are spawn from the devil.

4. Cannot comment on four as I do not have a Facebook account and will never Twitter -- my life is just not that interesting. If my daily events were available for reading in the bathroom, even I would just stare at the walls.

5. My kids sing along to Pink's "So What". Nothing better than all your kids singning "I want to start a fight!"

The Young Family said...

Almost peed my pants, I haven't checked in with you in a while - nor have I been running, nor have I been doing anything life altering.... just lazy I guess! I am now convinced I will not win a race ever - due to the tatas!! Lovin' it - it is my new excuse for everything!

At some point this week I have told myself I will get back into the running bit - we shall see!!

I am thinking I should look into twitter too, then I have three things I can ignore, (blogger, myspace (seriously are people still logging into myspace?), facebook and twitter)and have people ask me, are you alright? you haven't posted....

Take care!!

Em

Tri-Angle said...

Bring it McCue.

Is that why you screened my call yesterday?

While I don't disagree that we would be NOWHERE without you, that does NOT preclude us from putting up with you.
Maybe that's why I'm back in Therapy.

A

Oh, and I see the other gentlemen that typically comment on your blog, have left a brotha out in the cold...
Nice.

Kickstand Pam said...

Ah, Meg, thank you for putting my thoughts into words. You said it perfectly. Again. :)

Erin said...

You, my friend, are freaking hilarious. Thanks for making me laugh today.

the crazy jogger said...

:) so whts ur twitter again?