Tuesday, April 14, 2009


Dear Evanston Post Office,

While you have never been known for your efficiency and customer service, I would be remiss if I did not address my visit this afternoon.

Despite the fact that the entire country is talking “taxes,” and that Tax Day is the same day EVERY YEAR, it appears that you missed the memo that Tax Day is, in fact, tomorrow.

April 15th.

I mean, you must have forgotten, right? As I cannot cognitively understand why you would staff only two (of a possible seven) tellers at the only post office in the city.


Now, perhaps you thought that I was more like many of the other women in the city who are more “Desperate Housewives” then, well, an over-full-time working single lady, a la “Ally McBeal.” And perhaps you thought this meant I had all the time in the world to stand in that long-ass line and admire the vast varieties of colored envelopes and stamp designs to my heart’s content.

But alas – I actually have a job.

One that gives me a paycheck.

A paycheck with taxes taken out.

Lots and lots and lots of taxes.

And now, in addition to having those taxes taken out, I must now give more.

And those taxes?

They’re due tomorrow.

So if you will kindly employ another teller to handle my precious package that represents all those hard-ass hours of work I must now hand over to the government (that I already take a paycut to work for) so I can get back to that job, I would so very much appreciate it.

And if you don’t have another teller on staff, I hear there is a recession going on, and a lot of people that would be happy to receive a paycheck.

And pay taxes.

Like me.

And even though most people pay me to give advice, I'll give ya that one for free.

Seems all these taxes have put me in the gift-giving sort of mood.

Oh, and to the 11 of 19 people in front of me who - despite standing in that same line for all that time - waited until you got to the teller window to fill out your paper work?

I hope you get audited.

Sincerely and now many dollars lighter,


(And to the rest - a little laugh in case your tax day was as rough as mine - http://www.theonion.com/content/news/media_having_trouble_finding_right?utm_source=a-section -you're welcome!)


rUntoNamAste said...

Ahhh, those counter-only, form filling assholes! I.hate.them. Seems like it is only at that point they realize the purpose of their visit to the post office.

This post: funny as hell. Your plight: not so much. Paying the government more of your hard earned peanuts: fucking bullshit!

T. said...

Ummm about that boobie comment from previous post. I think I can help....

Lauren said...

I for one am estatic that today is April 15th!

Of course.

I work for an mid-sized accounting firm in a major metro area.

In the tax department!

Happy TGIApril15!!!

Kathleen said...

I just love being penalized for having a good career with no kids. Not really.

prin said...

You can't netfile? lol I've never stood in line for taxes. We all do it over the interwebs now. YEY!

Carolina John said...

oh man that sucks. that's why i use an accountant. our people here are just as inept as your people there.

starttothink said...

So, one of the hats I wear a my job is Human Resources and Payroll.
This guy just came to me with his check stub and said, "Um, usually I get about $520 a week, but now I'm getting $530 a week. Why is that?"
He's a legal resident originally from Bosnia, and he was concerned that he'd owe that money to the U.S. govt. back somehow.
I told him he had no idea how right he was.