Friday, July 31, 2009
Bracing for Steelhead 70.3
(devin sent this to me yesterday - taken on the 4th of july, in case people forgot what I looked like, what with my shameful lack of posting)
So the day of reckoning has arrived.
It’s my first (and only) tri of the season.
I know - crazy right? I can't even remember if I have mentioned once that I was racing this season.
Yeah, that should suffice as the foreshadowing on what is to come.
To say that I feel grossly undertrained would be way too obvious.
I mean, I guess when you are standing on front of your mirror the night before you leave, trying to find some fit-approriate race clothes because nothing you have fits after having not raced in a year, you should probably re-evaluate your (lack of) race strategy.
As in, re-evaluate and shut it down.
But no, true gluttons for punishment would NEVER be so impulsive.
No - what we do instead is make a last-minute run to the tri-store for a wet bra, say a small prayer to the Love-Handle Gods in the hopes they make nice with your (possibly too tight) tri shorts, and get to packin’.
Oh yeah, lest I forget to mention that I also received my "lady friend" last night, complete with vomit-inducing cramps, bloat, and back pain.
Seriously - EVERY.SINGLE.RACE. for the last 18 months (including last year's Ironman, and all the 1/2 marathons this year) have started with this mess.
So again, my perpetual question to the Injustices of the World: Why do you have to make being a lady SUCK ASS? And can't you just let me have a race without worrying baout my uterus dropping out in T1?
Oh, and have I mentioned that the water is about as cold as it was last year, when I pulled out the STELLAR performance at Racine?
Ahh, let’s re-live that awesome weekend, shall we?
*folds hands under chin and looks longingly in the distance*
Oh, wait. That’s right.
And this would be my first tri since that time.
So given my ill-preparation, my ugly outfit (‘cause it’s all about looking cute, no?), mensus (what an awesome word), and my recent history of pussing out in the cold water, I would say that I am a wee bit (read: pants-crapping) nervous.
So nervous that I started binge eating JuJu Bees and have commenced nervous-stomach diarrhea.
(Dear Clyde, who will be housing me tonight – Don’t worry. It should clear up by the time I drive up later. I think. I hope. Ah hell, just get the plastic mattress pad ready just in case.)
So in just a bit, I will be off – heading up to pick up the packet, check in the bike (which, up until my birthday, was held together with duct tape – looks like it’s not just my ass width that I've let slide a bit...) and try to hunker down with all my positive thoughts to get me through the swim.
See you all on the other side!
(p.s. – on a total random side note, did you know that July is National Ice Cream Month? I sure didn’t, and I sure as hell have some celebrating to make up - Why do I find these things out on the 31st?!?!?!?!? What are the odds that August is National Brownie Month?)