A. Before anything else, I wanted to give a HUGE congrats to Steph, who placed FIRST in her age group in this weekends indoor tri at her gym!! And crazier - she did it while nursing a cold too! You're a badass, Ms. Steph!
B. In honor of No Cuss Week, this was submitted by Flatman. Enjoy. I did.
C. A List!
Top Ten Things I’ve Leaned from Watching True Crime Shows (Specifcally “First 48,” "DEA," and "Manhunters")
1. My parents were right – nothing good happens after 10pm.
2. No one wakes up in the morning and decides to be a murderer – that is, if you are going to kill someone, chances are you are already in the system for a litany of other crimes.
3. Criminals are not as smart as CSI and Law and Order would have you believe. Why? Because it seems that many crimes are done impulsively, and not really thought through. Thus, the “strategy” is lacking, if you will.
4. Speaking of strategy, hiding a semi automatic weapon in the dirty laundry basket pretty much signs your walking papers to the Pokey. Lock. Key. Done.
5. Surviving a robbery is similar to surviving a plane crash – the act is just as random, and you’re just as likely to get out alive (read: you’re not).
6. If a car is on fire, there’s dead body inside. So call the police. And lock your doors.
7, Like my dad used to say – you run with dogs, you get fleas. Hence, you hang with drug dealers and gang bangers, you will likely die at some point. And not naturally.
8. It never ceases to amaze me how little value some people place on human life. It’s like killing someone is the ONLY option of conflict resolution.
9. If you’re a bad guy, chances are you have a nickname (Lil’ D and J-Roc being the more popular). And oddly, not one person in your life will know your real name.
10. If a cop picks you up and brings you into the “Homicide” department for questioning, there’s a p.r.e.t.t.y. good chance they already have your number. Hence, when they ask you where you were on Friday night, they already know. Keep that in mind, and lie accordingly.
In addition to these observations, I have to speak to a startling episode. On this one episode, this guy confessed to shooting four adults (two of which were his brother and sister-in-law) to death, stabbing two children to death, and beating the life nearly out of three other children (stabbing one of them in the head as well). Pretty horrible right? But the starling part was that, after he confesses, his mother holds his hands, then hugs him and says I love you – the entire time lacking any sort of emotional affect whatsoever.
Why does this surprise me? Well, let me just say that if that were me, and I told my mom I just murdered my brother, his wife, and two for their five children, and was a monster enough to stab the faces off the other three, I am fairly certain she wouldn’t offer a hug and some comforting words.
Rather, my guess is that, right before she grasps her own heart and falls into cardiac arrest, she’ll fashion a shank out of the investigators Bic pen and shove right in my throat. This, to me, seems the more appropriate reaction then a hug and an “Everyone makes mistakes” speech.