Monday, June 29, 2009

Oh Yeah, I Guess I AM Getting Married in 75 Days....

It's been a while since I posted a wedding update.

And it's probably because there hasn't been much of one, despite the fact that the wedding is about 75 days away.

In my whole life, there has been nothing I have procrastinated about more than this wedding.

And now it's catching up with me.

Like, really bad.

Like, invites-haven't-even-gone-out-yet-bad.

It took me until yesterday to really understand what is going on with me, why I put stuff off, why I have been hating all this so much.

And it's not like I am one of those brides so obsessed with details that I carry around a binder full of notes, ideas, contracts, etc.

In fact, it's brutally the opposite.

See, when this whole engagement thing first went down, I was determined NOT to be one of those brides - you know, the ones who lose their shit so bad they get their own tv shows because they become their own entertainment?

So I went the opposite direction -I cared so little most of the time, nothing ever got done. There were no Save the Dates, we didn't book hotel rooms - stuff that MIGHT NOT matter if our wedding wasn't comprised of 75% out-of-towners.

So I always waited until Cheese came home from a job deployment, and he has always been the one to sit down, do the guest list, make up budget spreadsheets, devised a master checklist, come up with rehearsal guest list, do the ENTIRE website complete with all travel/tourist information, etc.

Weird, but the "guyest" of guys has made himself into quite the wedding planner.


I go for long rides, scope out my new 50-meter pool, think about what other races I want to do.....

And after my meltdown yesterday over my invitations (which I am doing myself - yes, the homemade variety because I cannot stomach the idea of paying someone thousand of dollars to print an address on a piece of paper - call me crazy or cheap, but on the list of priorities, we threw more money at the important stuff, like open bar and our music), it finally dawned on my what all this reaction is about.

See, I feel stuck between two worlds - caring and not caring. On one hand, I really don't care about things like centerpieces, and flowers, and invitations. To me, an open bar, decent food and quality music equals a time well had.

But then I have my moments when I DO care about the stupid details - the color scheme, the "theme," the look of the invites. Not really for myself, but for other people - how will other people judge my choices?

As if there are going to be people at the wedding, sitting for dinner, saying, "Huh. Now I notice the pattern of her invites doesn't seem to correspond to anything in this room. And her color scheme? I don't get it. Is it black? Grey? Red? My goodness, this poor girl has no style."

And then it occurred to me.

I don't have a style.

Or a color.

Or a theme.

Not in wedding life, and not in general life.

In real life, I am the girl that borrows clothes from her sisters.

So now I am the girl that borrows their wedding vases for my homemade center pieces.

In real life, I am the girl that has no sense of fashion style.

So now I am the girl that let her bridesmaids pick their uber-casual black jersey knit dresses.

In real life, I am the will always pick the "simple and easy" when it comes to decorating. The less, the better.

So now I am the girl going with the minimalist approach to this wedding - keep it personal, keep it real, and skip the meaningless extras.

In real life, I am just a mix of ironies, and contradictions, and craziness - a girl that never planned to married and never had that "dream wedding" image.

So now I am the girl who is piecing things together as I like, without a death-grip adherence to some sort of "vision" of perfection.

And I think we all know I am FAR from perfect.

See, a big part of my procrastination was that my personality didn't care about these little things, but my insecurities cared about what people might think - how they might judge my non-professional invites, or my homemade bridesmaids bouquets. So when stuck between these two worlds, my panic made me avoid.

I always avoid under pressure.

I really tried to let that go yesterday after talking with Cheese and my friend Anne-Marie.

So what if people look at my invites and think: "So weird she would have her 2-year-old nephew help with these." Who cares? They are going to look at them, get the date and time, and them throw them away.

If I just do what I want, and stop worrying about what other people want/think/judge, I just might survive this thing.

Now back to those invites.....


Tri-Angle said...

One of the things I've been asking myself lately is....."Is this going to matter a year from now?"


What matters most Meg, and I've said this to you before, is the MARRIAGE, not so much the wedding.

So Have the little man help, screw the theme, and have some fun.

We got married on a Mississippi River Paddle Boat, and people still talk about it.

3 hours on and off. done. Then we all went to the saloon.

My point is we kept it simple.

We did have matching Matchbooks, napkins and Invitations though.
What a waste of money......

Do what YOU want.

And God Bless Cheese...
Nice work my brotha.


prin said...

This post described the perfect wedding. (Well, I wouldn't have a bar, but the rest = perfect.) It's you. All that matters is that you and Cheese are there- the real you, not some done up barbie wannabe who dropped a lifetime's worth of cash on matching vases.

21stCenturyMom said...

I think I told you this already but my daughter had the simplest of simple weddings and more than one person (all of whom have been to many weddings) said it was the best wedding they ever went to. Why? Because what she focused on was making the ceremony represent her and her betrothed. It was about them and their relationship and embarking on a life together.

We had good food (and by 'we' I mean I paid for the caterer), good booze and great music and everyone had a fabulous time. No flower center pieces, no letter press invitations, no party favors. It was great and your wedding will be great too because it will be All Megan and Cheese, all the time.

kodiacbear said...

Hey Meg-it's a day about You and Cheese and it fits! And the invites: honestly I have not saved a single one! Food, Music, Good Times by all--but don't forget pictures!! I missed that part--oops. Have Fun and Be Real! ang

prinny said...

I think your attitude is perfect - I love the fact that you are not one of those bridezilla brides and that you still blog about other things than the wedding :-)
And your wedding sounds like it will be wonderful.
If I ever get married, it'll be a simple backyard thing. Just cake and champagne (and looots of it) and a ton of fun :-)

Kolla said...

Damn, still feel like you are living a parallel life!
Just got married. No invites (an e-mail with a simple website address to a select few), no theme, no colors, no registry.... just an address in Iceland and a date.
And it was friggin awesome. In a borrowed dress, borrowed shoes, wedding in the woods, reception in a small hut, party of the century.
Make sure you guys just get plenty of wine and beer for the planning phase and have fun. The rest will sort of happen on its own I think, as long as the two of you are having fun and enjoying the day, the rest of the guests can't help but to do so too :)
I'd offer to help plan, but I suck at planning so you are probably better off without!

IM Able said...

Amen, sister.


Doing it your way is the only way to come out the other end sane. EVERYone will have opinions, regardless. I had a binder, a plan, a spreadsheet, etc...and people had opinions then, too.

The flip side? Even doing it your way means you have to do it!! Time invested now means you will have the day you want without any stress or problems. You wouldn't walk up to an IM line and start without putting in the time, right? Treat the wedding the same way. Being RELAXED on the day off is the best gift you can give to yourself. Trust me!

Oh, and if you're in need of that veil, just let me know and it's in the mail tomorrow! (Or anything else for that matter, cause you KNOW I have a ton of stuff left over in storage!)

Wow. 75 days. SO EXCITING!

Molly said...

Hey LAdy
I have not posted in a while but I have been reading.
I wanted to tell you that you are not alone. At the time I was a little embarrased that my sister got married before I did but in the end it weas a blessing. You see, she is a binder maker and an ultra, I took her binder and went.
Nothing matched, there was no theme and it did not was what I wanted.
And much like you said all I cared about was good food, open bar and a good band. We had all those (and a chocolate fountain which was killer) and everyone had a great time.
Hang in there and have fun!

rUntoNamAste said...

First of all, you're on the right track. Simplicity wins every single time! I've been to many extravagant weddings where people throw away their entire life savings and it was one f&ck of a bore. Then I've been to backyard weddings, where the newlyweds used creativity to create ambiance, the music was fantastic, drunks flowed non-stop etc etc. It was truly a celebration of love and EVERYONE, including the bride and groom had a blast. And, and the best part is that the newlyweds didn't rack up significant debt. They were actually able to afford life after a wedding. So, don't stress it. It's YOUR day, so do whatever makes you (and Cheese) happy. Good luck wth those invi's. I for one am thinking of Evites for my wedding (if 'my wedding' ever happens. Hopefully Evite will still be around). I'll ride on the coat tails of this 'going green' craze!

Tyger Lily said...

Good for you! This day is about you and Cheese. Cheese loves you for who you are! Don't stress, sister! I think the hand made things are so much more personal. Music, food and booze. Who could ask for anything more?

Captain Cactus said...

If you've taken care of good food, good drinks, and good music, you're already 99% of the way to a great party! Just keep doing it your way and don't spend a second on what anyone else thinks.

stronger said...

Girl...own it...and everyone will love it.

Alili said...

It really sounds perfect and I say that as the one who had the over-done wedding that was for everyone EXCEPT the bride and groom. This is all about you and Cheese and it sounds absolutely marvelous.

The (IRON) Clyde said...

Eff the invites...why don't you just go real modern and send out an evite? That way you can even change "the style" of it when you want.

One of the funnest weddings I ever went to was thrown by an old high school friend of mine. An outdoor ceremony followed by a pig roast in a county park ...not kidding...all that extra crap doesn't matter.

Anonymous said...

I wish I could go back an change things I did for my my mom saying you need to register for china...I wanted to register at REI and get camping stuff. Going 9 years of marriage and we only used the china 3 times... I wish I did what I wanted... Also it is your wedding not uncle billy bob and aunt what you want and how you want. Screw the people that dont like your flair!!!

Written by Rich would not let me sign in for some reason. :-(

T. said...

I think you are more normal than you can imagine.Truth of the matter is that the very best (and ones I actually remember) have been the ones that were very casual and fun. The ones that felt like a large family get-together. I think the music and food/bar are the most important. Everything else from invites to "traditions" to dresses to color schemes are for the birds.
In fact....if you HAD had your nephew help you with the invites (crayola crayons and all) I personally think they would have been the best invites ever. Have you seen kid's fridge drawings? THE BEST. That would be one invite I wouldn't throw out.
So stop worrying what other people think. This is YOUR wedding, right?
And the money you are saving on the wedding can be put towards better investments like race registrations, hello! Weddings are sooo overrated, I can't believe the people that spend tens of thousands for just a few hours of their life. A fancy wedding does not indicate a good relationship/marriage.

suzncasey said...

"To me, an open bar, decent food and quality music equals a time well had."

This was me! It use to bother me that I was never the kind of girl that dreamed about my wedding, the details, the theme, blablbalablab

If you have the above with people you love and that love you, everyone will say it was the BEST WEDDING EVER!!