Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Life as Usual

First things first
Thanks for being patient with this whole transition. I myself find it to be a massive ass cramp to have to sign in every.single.time, so I appreciate those who make that effort.

That said, I had a chuckle over all the comments about it being a super secret club – I made a comment to Flatman about how people would think this was a lot less cool if they knew that the girl on the other side of the screen was:

A) A virtual shut-in who found it too time-consuming to change her clothes on a daily basis and often even slept in them for that matter
B) May go all day without brushing her teeth, and
C) Has taken to eating her dinner of cereal out of a measuring bowl because she can’t be bothered to actually look through the three cabinets to figure out where she unpacked the real bowls.

A month and a half ago.

Yup – I certainly am a prize.

(and I will have you know that I almost hit “publish” before I noticed I wrote bowels instead of bowls. So I guess I have that going for myself – I don’t eat my cereal out of bowels).


Second things second
What with all the excitement of private bloggers and criminals, I really haven’t said much about the fact that I have:

A.) Gained three more pounds, now upping the total to 13 for my post-IM physique;

B.) Cheese comes home today.

And you know what call the day of his return?

PM Day.

As in, Personal Maintenance.

Although it really should named “Gosh Damn that Wax Sure is Hot and Can You Please Not Wax the Actual Skin Off My Lip This Time Because It Makes Me Look Like I Have Herpes” Day, but that’s such a mouthful, yeah?

With Cheese gone all the time, there’s a lot of room to get really lazy about personal upkeep. I mean seriously – if I tweeze my eyebrows , wack down my leg hair and wax my lip hair ONCE once during his absence, I call it a victory for personal hygeine. ‘Cause whose looking? Really?

The only regular appointment I keep is with the bikini waxer – Cheese home or not – mostly because I still swim and frankly, like Samantha said on Sex In The City – “I could be on Death Row and still not have that situation.”

Oh, and while I am the topic of lady bits – I was at the Y last week, and on my way to the pool, through the showers, there was a lady shaving her lady bits. IN THE PUBLIC SHOWER. Not even, like, in a stall – like in the open shower area, where you just have the spouts.

Now, call me prude, but this seemed a bit…unsanitary? I don’t even know if that’s the right word. I mean, I personally don’t care about the shaving part (like I said, I’m a waxer – to each his own – and besides, I’d rather you clean it up because you can’t BELIEVE how uncomfortable it is to be swimming next to some with….”the situation.” I mean, how do you NOT look, yeah?)

And yeah. I stared.

Shame's just a four-letter word. And I ain't got none.

But to be taking care of such private business in such a public place seemed off. But again, maybe I am old fashioned.

Well, old fashioned in the sense that it’s apparently okay to talk about lady bits on a blog, just not shave them in public. See the difference? Yeah, me neither.


Third things is last
The weight thing is a surprise I must say – seeing how I have been such Spinnervals whore these last few weeks. And speaking of whore, is it me or are Spinnervals like cycling porn?

Lemme break this down:
1. You got all the weird awkward camera angles – on the ground looking up, head-on, from behind, and frankly, the lighting does no one any favors.

2. You go the cyclists themselves – trying to out perform the guy next to them, trying not to look directly at the camera and the creepiness when they do – it’s a reminder that it’s actually a job, and hey, maybe they aren’t really enjoying this.

3. The music – are you kidding me with this? Real porn might actually have a leg up on this one.

4. The in-between set interviews and story lines are about as realistic and well-scripted as the “plumber coming to fix the pipes.”

Hmm.

Looking over this post I gotta say – lady bits and porn?

No wonder you need to sign in now.

19 comments:

Joe said...

wow. you usually have to pay a monthly subscription for stuff like this.

Alili said...

I log in for gems like this. :)

Prin said...

LOL!

Doesn't the mustache give you street cred with the criminals?

lol @ situation and bicycle porn.

Prin said...

Oh, and I don't have to log in every time. You know, because I'm logged in all day anyway on account of the relentless blogging.

Tyger Lily said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Jen said...

OMG too funny!!! I agree with alili - I log in for these kinds of posts. And I totally agree with the spinnerals comments - I have taken to listening to my ipod while doing the workouts. and there are some creepy icky men on these videos. There is one video, ummm, can't remember, but I have it, and I shit you not, the camera man is quite taken with this woman with these ginormous fake knockers, and it is clear that not only are her knockers fake, but she is clearly cheating at the workout. Its hysterical.

Bowchicachicawowwow........

Borsch said...

M....First, Thanks for the super awesome comment on my race!

Second, lady bits groomed in public, ick! Men are worse though, there are too many dirty guys in the Lifetime locker rooms. I haven't seen a guy 'grooming' man parts in there, but I've seen far too many men shave their face in the nude. GROSS!

Third...I got nothing. Enjoy your time with Cheese.

MissAllycat said...

Oh. My. God. This is pure blogging gold. I <3 your sense of humor.

Tri-Angle said...

There's music in porn?

Duane said...

Don't know about the spinnerals, but I think the lady shaving in public is great! LOL

Ellen said...

i found a bin of summer clothes from the summer before i met nat and the shorts looked like a 5th grader wore them. im no hooch so i wasnt rockin coochie cutters either. maybe our weight gain has something to do with coohabitation?

Izzy said...

I think "ass-cramp" might just be my favorite new phrase, ever!

The (IRON) Clyde said...

I thought it was going private cuz you were going to post some nudie pics? NO? (and not of Cheese please).

Amy said...

First - I'm lovin' the "secret society" thing (little geek out dance a la Cecile in Cruel Intensions).
And no worries about not changing your clothes. Baby steps... make sure you wash your hands or change your socks - undies mean you have to take off the pants so either switch to skirts or forgo panties. But really if you need to chat about it... been there and can relate.

2nd - shaving teh lady bits in public. OK that tops the deep scrub that (and I don't mean to be offensive to anyone here I'm just saying that they were the ONLY ones I ever saw doing it) the older asian women would do at the pool. Aggressive scrubbing. With a loufeh.

3rd - I'm never going to watch Spinnervals the same way again. Though I might turn off their sound track and put on the 70's porno funk sounds of Slow Nerve Action (Vancouver band who plays 70's porno funk and sing about "the little man in the pink canoe")

This is sounding more and more like the secret society Cecile was singing/dancing about.

Flatman said...

Spinervals are even named like porn... "NO SLACKERS ALLOWED"!

At least you still care enuf about de cheeze to spruce up a little for his return... :)

M said...

jen - please identify that Spinnervals ASAP. I must witness the "ginormous fake knockers." It's, uh...research.

Borsch - so if they do that in the nude, don't thier parts get all over the sink...?

Amy - I am not sure if I am more surprised that you called me out about the panties thing (but my excuse is tht NONE of them fit around my ass right now 'cause SOMEONE had to go get all cocky and buy "smalls" when she IM trained...) or that I actually know the "deep scrubbing" of which you speak. It's like the older they get, the more vigorous they go at it - like they are mistaking the greys for soap scum that won't go away.

The Young Family said...

Can I say how excited I am to be reading your blog again!! I have been having withdrawls! gotta love ladies in the shower... I haven't seen any shaving the private parts.. a little to much for me personally! But hey.. I guess she likes people watching... man that sounded creepy!

I'm back!!
lol
Em

Donald said...

OK - I found my way in. Looks like this is going to be an interesting place to hang around.

21stCenturyMom said...

First things first - you have no idea what was going through my head when you mentioned waxing and then said 'please don't pull the skin off my lip' OW OW OW.... I was not thinking upper lip facial wax. OW!

Second things second - quite a few women in my masters group shave their pubes in the group shower. blech! I mean really. And I'm no prude, either but pube maintenance belongs behind closed doors.

Third - Spinnervals. I like to think of Coach Troy as my naughty boyfriend who never listens to the safe word. So yeah - great minds do think alike.

I have no idea about the weight gain - I've got it going on, too. It's the grain based carbs. Good think Cheese is coming home so you can start eating right again. And brushing and flossing and maintaining. And stuff.