Enjoy.
1. I believe that sidewalks are like streets for feet, and should be navigated as such. Thus, if you drive on the right side of the road, you should walk on the right side of the sidewalk. Not in the middle, and not to the left either. See, by doing it this way, respecting the Feet Street, you avoid all those awkward moments where you and the person walking toward you get in this little dance of "Which way is he going to go?" and then you end up nearly colliding and mumbling "I'm sorry" under your breathe when you're really not, in fact, sorry, because that guy should have been on the right side to begin with, as you were, adhering to the Rules of the Feet Street.
2. And why do I always apologize to strangers? For random shit too. Like if I accidentally cut them off walking out a building (when they should try not walking so close to the building when door can swing open), or if they cut me off at Starbucks (yet I apologize - huh?) or if they don't move over when walking three abreast with their friends down a street and I end up having to walk in the grass around them. What is that about? Maybe I need to address this with my therapist. Let's move on.
3. Similarly, if you are walking next to someone, like a friend, and someone is walking towards you, it is common courtesy to simply step to the side- perhaps the front or back of friend - so that the other person can pass.
4. And while I'm on this topic, if you are in a grocery store isle, and there are other people in that isle, please make sure you park you cart as close to the shelves as possible when viewing the goods, and NOT smack dab in the middle of the isle, thus preventing people like me from passing through. And yes, I would be talking to you, Man With the Two Daughters Who Looked Me Dead In the Eye, Smirked, and Then Proceeded to Stop Your Cart in the Middle of the F-ing Isle Right in Front of the Cheetos and Debated the Merits of Crunchy Versus Flaming Hot with Two Five-Year-Olds. At least one of your daughters had enough sense and courtesy to move your grocery-cart-fashioned-like-a-plastic-kid-car. Must have learned her manners from her mom. Ass.
5. There seems to have been an explosion of squirrels in my neighborhood. And not those of the friendly variety either. Exhibit A: Cheese and I were returning from the grocery store only to be run down in front of my apartment building by a - how do you say? - disturbed looking squirrel. And he actually chased the Cheese down. Seriously. Check out the link to see a grown man squeal like a little girl, and talk bad-ass to a five-ounce rodent.
6. I am pretty sure that the Crazy Squirrels are likely due to the odd old lady that lives in my building and feeds them. Who does that? Feed squirrels? Apparently, if you're about 103 years old, 5'0, 65 pounds, and wear a brown wig, knee-high rainbow colored wool socks, three wool jackets, Chuck Taylor high-tops, and a scarf (in July) feeding squirrels is just what you do in your spare time. It's like your thing. Ahh, retirement and old age has never looked so good.
7. And P.S. If you are 103 years old, you are not fooling anyone with a brown wig. Especially when it's worn backwards. Hey - just sayin'.
8. Of course, I have not ruled out the possibility that the Crazy Squirrels implosion is perhaps due to the frequently with which I accidentally run over the Sane Squirrels, thus leaving the Cray/Sane ratio at an imbalance.
9. Smart Start Cinnamon Bars are my new favorites. Had two for an after-dinner snack tonight. Yeah, that's how I roll.
10. American Gangster? Good, but not as good as I expected. Movie theatre popcorn? Yeah, still as good as I expected.
11 (Bonus!). And lastly, I broke my candy fast to indulge in a little Mike n Ike action Sunday night. Sure it wasn't enough that I gorged myself at dinner with my sister, brother-in-law and boyfriend, but then I topped it off with a box of sugar and some fake butter over high-transfat popcorn. God Bless America.
Cheese, Me, Devin, and Patrick: Post-Black Tie Bingo, Pre-Movie Theatre Binge
6 comments:
When people walk on the wrong side of the sidewalk, I have to resist the urge to scream "Are you British or something?" Because a confused Brit is really the only one who is allowed to do that. The worst is on campus when they walk in the middle of the bike path with their ipods on - I think I should be allowed to run them over in those cases. Wow, I just totally vented in your comment section :-)
Feet Street rule very useful for running - person closest to the street is facing into traffic.
hehe, very funny post. :D
I accidentally ran over a squirrel Tuesday and didn't feel guilty. Is that wrong?
Sometimes I stop and buy movie theater popcorn without going to a movie. Extra fake-butter oil, please!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Danielle- I might have responded in email, but totally agreed about the walking in the middle with the IPod. Damn, I hate that.
Brent - 100% agreed. Not that hard of a concept, but geesh. Some people don't get it.
Prin - Thanks!
Cindy Jo- Don't feel bad - just consider it population control. But I will admit, it is kinda gross to feel the crunch under the tires. Yuck. And about the movie theatre popcorn - I did that once before with a friend, and wonder, "Is it so wrong when it tastes so good?" I think not. Some women use their feminine skills to score free drinks at bars, I use mine to score extra EXTRA fake butter on my popcorn. A wink and a smile can turn regular popcorn into YUM YUM popcorn. If ya know what I mean....
Krissy - You too!
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