Friday, November 14, 2008

The Ramblings Continue

An Open Letter to a Friend:

Hey Jenny Aniston –

Let it go.

No, seriously.

Brad left, like, 20 Botox sessions ago.

Two years ago would have been a good time to stop talking about it.

Sour grapes makes for bad Whine.

I don't care how much Oprah prods or what movie you need to promote - have some self respect and lock it up.

Besides, good old Brad's saddled with a broad who's bat-shit crazy and six kids – who lost that bet, yeah?

So snap it up, and move on.


Injustice and Principle
Why are all the things I hate good for me?

1. Swimming
2. Cauliflower
3. Pap smears

Right now, I am mostly concerned with #1. I think we are all aware of my disdain for that particular discipline. But lately, I am coming to terms with the fact that, no matter how much I bike or run, it will never give me the overall tone that swimming does.

And though I am working out almost every day of the week at this point, I continue to gain weight and loss muscle mass. My diet has even improved, though it was never all that bad to begin with. I truly do not understand it. It is BEYOND frustrating at this point, so much so that I am convinced I need to see doctor because something in me in malfunctioning. My final straw was the newly formed dimple at the top of my back left thigh. Like, not on my ass (though they exist there too) but on the thigh part.

When I saw it, it was all I could do to bite back the tears. Call me shallow – whatever – but I truly believe that if I am going to break a sweat working out everyday, I DESERVE not to have dimpled thighs.

And just to beat this pity party to death, I was in the 7-Eleven getting coffee this morning before my appointment, and all these people were buying up crap foods that I would NEVER think about eating – like frosted honey buns – and I thought, “Now how can you eat that stuff and not gain weight, but simply standing two feet from it just added another chin and three dimples to my ass?”

I wanted to choke some innocent people out…and all for a pastry.

Good thing that appointment I was heading to was therapy….

All Night Long
Recently, I have struggled with a nagging bout of insomnia. It’s like I lay my head down at the appropriate hour, but three hours later, there I am tossing and turning.

Like right now.

Its 2am.

The worst part is that I will eventually feel sleepy at 3am, which is way too late to wake up at a respectable time, but also not late enough to just stay awake and get up for the morning swim at 5.

I have toyed with the idea of raiding my medicine cabinet and tossing back a few painkillers left over from the kidney surgery, but I can’t bring myself to take them.

So awake it is.


Speed Racer said...

Jennifer Aniston: You are so right! Sure, Friends is over, Brad is gone, and rehashing all this Angelina stuff is the only thing that's keeping her relevant as long as her looks hold out. But, dude, Angelina is NUTS. And what's with this new Jenny's Having Twins! headline? I was disgusted by the celebrity pregnancy fad, but this celebrity pregnant with TWINS fad is even worse!

Big, fat asses: Megan, I feel your pain!!! It seems like the more I work out, the fatter I get. Lately I've been working out way less, but doing more weights and speed work and weight is coming off that stubbornly stuck by (to) me through a year of ironman training. I always thought it was bullshit when people said that you have to do anaerobic stuff to lose weight, and that endurance makes you fat. Now that I'm beginning to see that they're right, I want to kick people in the face (or their skinny ass) even more!

Insomnia: I suffer from HORRIBLE insomnia. If you find a natural cure, let me know. In the meantime after trying Tylenol PM, Sudafed PM, and everything in the drug store with SLEEP in the name, I've found Advil PM to be the best. I take it one hour before bed time, I'm out like a light an hour later, and I find I'm usually okay in the morning. I hope you can overcome it without taking anything, but insomnia fucks with your whole life!!! And hey, Advil's better than Vicodin, right?

LassenLaw said...

Oh that spot right under your ass and at the top of your thight- that's the THUT. Helps to differentiate between that and the actual thigh/saddlebag area. :-)

Andra Sue said...

I am with you on the people eating frosted honey buns. Oh, how I am with you. :(

Maggs said...

I love ambien. Though I wish I had taken some 4 hours ago, so i'd be asleep now and not stressing about getting up in 4 hours. One of these days I might learn.

21stCenturyMom said...

hmmmm... the people I see eating that crap at 7-11 are always Mexican laborers. If working outside in 100 degree heat is what it takes to be thin and eat crap I'll take the THUT, thank you very much.

Sounds like your system is "off". I'm thinking it's related to stress. So...... multi-vitamins, maybe some Ambien and remember to breath. Things will work out - they always do.

Prin said...

1. lol @ who lost that deal. hehe. So true. She used to keep blood in a vial around her neck. 'Nuff said.

2. Ass dimples? Seriously? How are you seeing these? Stop doing that. Stop trying to see your ass and thigh backs in the mirror. They're behind us for a reason.

3. Don't take them. Figure out why you can't sleep instead. Pills = bad.

The Young Family said...

Too funny!!


Flatman said...

Poor Meg...