Thursday, January 8, 2009

Worst Idea EVA

Late last night, my friend Joe (The Fire) was reminiscing about his own colonoscopy, about which he stated, “The sedation they used is like the date rape drug…you’re pretty out of it.”

Well, I can tell ya this much – there was no dinner involved, but I sure as hell got violated.

In fact, the pain was so excruciating, that about 20 minutes in, I was sobbing and screaming for them to stop, clinging onto the guard rails of the gurney for dear life, as if trying to out-run the rod in my hinny.

Now, according to what you all have described, that wasn’t exactly what was supposed to happen.

Finally, after an ear-piercing sob, “STOP!” from me, brought about from the rod threatening to jam through my belly, I heard the doctor tell the resident, “Perhaps we need to stop this and try again with anesthesia.”

So yeah, after the awesome anal rape, I now have to relive it all over again in another few weeks.

When Cheese was finally able to come and get me, I was on my gurney, all dressed, and just crying from the pain.

He later said he was taken aback by this sight.

As was I taken aback by how hellacious this while experience was.

As an added surprise, I threw up in his car on the way home.

Thank goodness for the spare Target bag in the back seat.

Upon entering the apartment, I simply took my shoes off, crawled into bed, and slept for several hours. I woke up, still nauseous, with a blinding headache, raging flatulence, and liquid still pouring out of my backside.


I should’ve just gone to work.

Update - Dinner got thrown up. Seriously? I know this isn't right. And I talked to Joe again - he convinced me that I got nowhere near enough meds to numb me up. I am seriously considering not showing up for my next appointment, anesthesia or not.


T. said...

oh man Meg. I have never heard of anyone going through a colonoscopy without being pretty well sedated. Conscious sedation, yes, but still sedated. You were supposed to be pretty much in la-la-land. Something ain't right with that doc if he kept proceeding with you so aware.
My heart goes out to you.

Borsch said...

wow...that sounds horrible! I'm sorry!


Melissa said...

OH MY GOSH. I wouldn't go back there in a million years. If you need another one you should go somewhere else. I agree with T. that they should have stopped sooner with how much pain you were in.

I am so sorry that you had to go through that. So Sorry.

Ellen said...

dont show up and transfer your files to a hospital that actually knows wtf theyre doing ASAP

Flatman said...

Holy shit. You have scared me out of ever getting one of those!!!

I am truly sorry you had to go through that... :(

Anonymous said...

I am so so so sorry Meg. That sounds awful. You need to write a letter to that dr ASAP and tell them you are contacting a lawyer. You should have been heavily sedated. No question. I agree with Ellen, transfer your file to another dr ASAP. My heart breaks for you. I will buy you at least 4 drinks in Feb, if not more.

Amy said...

Oh good god. I'm so sorry Meg. I say transfer your file to a Canadian hospital... then you'll be waiting at least a year :) See Brian sometimes there are bonuses to the system.

But serious. I'd kiss your ass better but right now I'm a little scared after your description of the aftermath. So please ask Cheese to do it. He's the one marrying you. And as a side note if he's willing to stick by your side even after you vomitted in his car and shit liquid then he's a keeper. K-E-E-P-E-R.

Rachel said...

Meg...DEFINITELY find a new doctor in a new location AND write a letter filing a complaint! That should not have happened the way it did. You should have been heavily sedated!

prin said...

What the hell?!? I hope you're ok. That's horrible. :(


The (IRON) Clyde said...

Wow, sorry Meg, that's 100% not the way it was suppose to go.

J was out of it with all the meds (she slept for about 10 minutes during/after the procedure), and then a total clown for a few hours after that as the meds were still wearing off ....even after the meds wore off, she was in minimun pain at the most.

I hope you are getting better.

stronger said...

Awwww Meg. Not only NO dinner...but then you get to toss up your next dinner?

I hope you rest and feel better.

21stCenturyMom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
21stCenturyMom said...

Correction- the Good Doctor tells me that some people have colon spasms even with the conscious sedation they give you (they did give you that, right?). So for some people they do have to knock you out totally to do it and you must be one of those people.

Sadly, there's no way to tell before hand. So I withdraw my previous comment although I think a letter to the administration saying the guy should have stopped much sooner than he did is in order.

Anonymous said...

My wife had colonoscopy done and she had no pain/problems. This sounds horrible. Do not return to that facility if at possible. Find another doctor. So sorry for your pain.
Wade the Conservative social worker.

Amy said...

My doctor friend told me to look for a place with an anaesthesiologist on hand if I was to ever get one of those things shoved up the back end after I expressed fear after reading this. They can only knock you out completely if there is one on staff. Just a little tidbit of info if you ever do decide to go back.

Hope you are feeling better.

Brent Buckner said...

Hope you're feeling better.

momo said...

meg, omg, that is NOT how its supposed to be. i mean, yea, its supposed to feel a bit - well, uncomfortable after - but during - you should feel nothing and you should NOT, NOT, NOT be conscious. you should have been totally sedated.

girl, i'm sending you big hugs, even though i know they're not gonna do anything for your backside, just want you to know i'm thinking of you!

Kickstand Pam said...

Yikes! That's terrible. Hope things are better now.

The Young Family said...

I would say - - - run and dfind a new doc! That is just not right!


Mommymeepa said...

I just wrote some gripes about my YMCA. You'll have to go and check them out at

Started student teaching today. I'm dead tired. Wahoooo go me!!