So the Biggest Loser started last night.
Mama pajama! Them is some big folk!
Cheese is convinced that BL is trying to get a person to have their first 200 pound weight loss. After last night, they’ll get it for sure this season. I mean, that one kid weighed in at like 450 pounds.
I gotta say though – after this first episode, I am sort of rooting for all of them to win.
Well, all of them except for Laura.
She’s a cry baby.
And I know I say it every time – but what the FUCK are these people crying about?
And I love how they say shit like, “When we pulled into the ranch, it was the first time I realized I needed help.” Or, “When that really old man almost died on the gym floor, it was the first time I realized we were all really sick.”
The first time, people?
‘Cause the years of multiple doctor’s warning, rampant diabetes and high blood pressure, inability to breath regularly when walking even a couple feet, and the size 48 pants weren’t clue enough?
The fact that your organs are so filled with fat they are actually growing so big and pushing your lungs up and closing them off – still no idea, huh?
Best line of the night?
“We’re a bunch of fat kids in a really fat gym class.”
Of course, I celebrated the new season with a dinner of Weight Watchers Smart Ones…and two ice cream sammys.
Yeah...yeah I did.
*lowers head in fake, insincere shame*
But hear me out – I allowed myself this slight binge because I will be forced to have nothing for two days.
Well, nothing but a GALLON of liquid laxative, followed by what I believe to be a large rod shove up my poop hole.
Yes folks – that’s right.
I am having a colonoscopy.
And endoscopy (but I don’t know what that is, I just do as I’m told at this point)
It’s a long story, but the Reader’s Digest version is that I was sent to the GI docs as a result of my most recent kidney check up. The GI doc took one look at my history and my family’s history, and was like, “Yeah, we need to take care of this.” So he sends me through a battery of tests, mostly “just in case” and to rule things out.
So I like to look at the next few days as my own personal version of Gwyneth Paltrow’s colon cleanse.
At least it’ll kick any remnants of my Christmas cookie indiscretions out of the system, yeah?