Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Food

Across the bottom on my computer screen are five Word documents, each sporting its own unique post.

My thoughts about topics ranging from my new infatuation with "Cops" and "The First 48," (summary - real life criminals aren't as smart as "Law and Order" make them out to be) to my feeling on BL last night (can we all join together and say "finally?")

And I'll get to them all -

But right now I can’t think of anything by the episode of “Man v. Food” that I am watching.

Ever see this show?

Summary – Typical food show where guy (Host Adam) goes around the country eating food. At the end of eat episode, he takes on a food challenge – whether it be eating spicy fritters, 15 dozen oysters, or overstuffed sanwiches.

Now, I am fully aware that I shouldn’t morally support shows that promote senseless binge eating for a multitude of reasons (including but not exclusive to its subtle celebration of the obesity problem in this country, the fact that families are struggling to put food on tables while Host Adam is shoveling hundreds of oysters down his gullet, and – every mother’s favorite – the starving children in Africa, of course).

But tonight, when Adam attempted to eat three 13 inch Man-Cakes (oh yeah, they are what they sound like – thick fluffy rounds of buttermilk breakfast heaven) and then washes it down with fresh donuts….

Well, let’s say I blacked out and woke up with my lips around the base of the flatscreen, covered in popcorn kernels and my own drool.

And who knows what he’s like in real life, but I’ll be danmed if I don’t have a bacon-flavored crush on Host Adam.

I don’t care that he appears to be expanding in size with each new episode – I’d wipe the sausage bits from his cheeks as he chokes down a monster pizza, or dab the Italian beef juice from his lips.

Of course, I ooh and aaah over the types and amounts of food he eats, while Cheese is left to wonder:

“My god, what must his asshole feel like?”

13 comments:

prin said...

You guys are endlessly romantic.

M said...

he sure can sweet talk.

you should hear him when he talks "fried chicken."

it will make your pants fall off.

Andra Sue said...

Oh, Meg. I was right there with ya until that last line. ;)

Tri-Angle said...

Oh........
The Humanity.....

Devin said...

Dave is doing the Krispy Kreme run this weekend. Run 2 miles, eat 12 donuts, run 2 miles. I don't know the specifics--do you have to eatthe 12 before you can go on--but I'll keep you posted on his progress!

Alili said...

I'm dying here, absolutely dying. Tears streaming down my face, my staff is wondering if I'm okay. I wish J and I could hang out with you guys more often.

Flatman said...

Cheese is right. That;s the ONLY thing I wonder about with that show.

Captain Cactus said...

That is an awesome line from Cheese! I think I'm scared to even try watching that show.

Amy said...

Right up there with Brian asking me to be happy for him when he farts because "he feels better"

Devin: that krispy kreme run sounds like a higher fat shorter distance that the E-venti Marathon which runs by a bunch of Starbucks where you have to stop to get playing cards (and the optional mocha). The winner is the person with the best poker hand from the cards in the end.

Or the beer mile. But that just makes me vomit thinking about it. As does the thought of running after eating a doughnut let alone 12!

cat. said...

did you follow "the next food network star"? adam was a contestant ... he didn't win. he was the best by far, entertainment-wise, but he couldn't really cook his way out of a paper bag.

but really ... does he need to?

M said...

Amy - that is the by far the quote of the day. I am going to have to rip that off of Brian.

Cat - ex-ACTLY! i have never seen that show, but then again, i never really knew about this whole "food network" thing until fairly recently. but you can bet your ass i'm going to be finding it!

The Fire said...

As a food eating champion like myself...I must say that I too enjoy watching adam hone his craft!!! It is purely art and I love it

rUntoNamAste said...

HILARIOUS!
I've never seen this food guzzling boy-toy of yours but I will certainly check him out.