Food

Across the bottom on my computer screen are five Word documents, each sporting its own unique post.

My thoughts about topics ranging from my new infatuation with "Cops" and "The First 48," (summary - real life criminals aren't as smart as "Law and Order" make them out to be) to my feeling on BL last night (can we all join together and say "finally?")

And I'll get to them all -

But right now I can’t think of anything by the episode of “Man v. Food” that I am watching.

Ever see this show?

Summary – Typical food show where guy (Host Adam) goes around the country eating food. At the end of eat episode, he takes on a food challenge – whether it be eating spicy fritters, 15 dozen oysters, or overstuffed sanwiches.

Now, I am fully aware that I shouldn’t morally support shows that promote senseless binge eating for a multitude of reasons (including but not exclusive to its subtle celebration of the obesity problem in this country, the fact that families are struggling to put food on tables while Host Adam is shoveling hundreds of oysters down his gullet, and – every mother’s favorite – the starving children in Africa, of course).

But tonight, when Adam attempted to eat three 13 inch Man-Cakes (oh yeah, they are what they sound like – thick fluffy rounds of buttermilk breakfast heaven) and then washes it down with fresh donuts….

Well, let’s say I blacked out and woke up with my lips around the base of the flatscreen, covered in popcorn kernels and my own drool.

And who knows what he’s like in real life, but I’ll be danmed if I don’t have a bacon-flavored crush on Host Adam.

I don’t care that he appears to be expanding in size with each new episode – I’d wipe the sausage bits from his cheeks as he chokes down a monster pizza, or dab the Italian beef juice from his lips.

Of course, I ooh and aaah over the types and amounts of food he eats, while Cheese is left to wonder:

“My god, what must his asshole feel like?”