I did something today that I have never done before - I went to the gym at 530am to do my long run. I needed to get it in, and it was still way to dark to risk it alone on the lakefront path, so inside it was.
The astonishing thing is that my eyes were actually open at that time. But I didn't sleep last night, so I didn't exactly have to wake up (I messed up at work and needed to get a report done by this morning, so all-nighter it was).
Right off the bat, I knew this run would be trouble. I hadn't eaten in about 12 hours, was running off of an calorie intake of about 600 from the previous day, and my stomach wasn't taking anything in. When I got to the gym, I could barely get my body to walk up the stairs to the front desk. But I still got on that treadmill, armed with my Cliff Bar and water, and started out for a 1:40 run.
And I was right - it was a disaster. First, I started slow, with the intention of speeding up. That never happened. Second, I ate the Cliff Bar in intervals, only to promptly regurgitate it back up in my mouth. Hence, still no food. Third, my heart rate was skyrocketing, and I could barely catch my breath. Of course that makes sense, given the lack of sleep and food.
I hung on for about 65 minutes, and I truly couldn't do it anymore. I battled through that last 30 minutes questioning myself, but when the Cliff Bar reappeared in my throat and my hands started to shake, I knew I should cut my losses.
But here is the thing - instead of berating myself about the shortened workout, I gave myself credit for even showing up and attempting it, given my physical condition. Rather than allowing my mind to check itself into another round of "Motivation Gone-Gone," it actually made me feel okay that I tried, like I broke some sort of mental hurdle.
So today it was a small physical deposit in the bank. But a small deposit is better than no deposit.