So here it is:
Today I has my first almost pain-free day since this whole fiasco began,which indicates that my treatments are working. So good. However, I talked to my coach, who basically said, "You can do this race, but you will risk not being able to do any of the run, or have to walk the whole marathon." I said, "Well, those aren't really great options. What else do you have?"
So we talked about my goals, and if it made a difference to me whether or not I finished in 14 hours or 17 hours (not really if I knew I was giving it my all-out effort), if I wanted to walk the whole marathon or run at least part of it (definitely NOT walk the whole thing - to me that doesn't count, but please note that is my own opinion) and if I wouldn't just feel better skipping this and training for the September one (jury's still out - I don't know). So I made this deal:
I would begin training again this weekend, starting with some water running, then a swim, and then a short brick on Sunday. If I even have a hint of pain on Saturday, or from this day forward in my back, I am done. And I fully accept that. I cannot imagine doing six or seven hours on a bike with a sore back at the beginning of the 112 miles. I wouldn't even be able to get off the darn bike at the end, much less try to run/walk, so what's the point? Should the pain return, in any form in my back, I will resign AZ and focus on September.
And I can be okay with that. No tears, no pity, no ice cream. I broke through a lot of "mind shit" to get this far, and I can keep breaking through it to get past this setback.
So there it is.
Now back to training.