My Magical Toothbrush

I am usually the first to shoot my mouth off about how lazy this world has become, what with our fast food, DVDs delivered right to our house, everything we need with the click of a mouse - gosh, one doesn't ever need to leave the house, and rather have the world come to them. And then people seriously can't understand why obesity is a problem in this day and age. I mean, at our staff meeting last week (yeah, I have a staff now :)) the team found out I am doing the Ironman and one guy was like, "My mind gets tired even thinking about 140.6 miles."

Ex-actly.

Of course, I can be a walking contradiction, I can admit this. How many times have I driven to work, when I could have taken the "L" just because I was tired/cold/lazy? And how many times have I let my newly clean clothes sit in the laundry basket until they got good and wrinkled again, prompting me to iron them and thus defeating the whole "easy way out" to begin with? And who hasn't sat on the couch and watch public access t.v. on mute because they couldn't find the remote, or driven past the oil change place on the way home from work even though her car was six thousand miles over, promising to do it the next day even though the oil change place is on the other side of town, because she really just wanted to go home and eat a sandwich? What? Oh, only me? Oh, well...nevermind...anyhoooo....

My point being that I try my best not to be overtly lazy. Like, I committed to this Ironman, hence, I am not lazy. Even when I am spank-ass tired, I will ride my bike at midnight and with a friend in town, just to get in the workout. And getting a doctorate? Can't be lazy doing that (well you can, but then you come frightening close to failing, say, Statistics, and getting kicked out, and that's not so good....or so I've heard).

So imagine my surprise when I was in the Target this past week, looking for a new toothbrush, and come to find that apparently, the hand-help manual ones that you actually have to move your arm up and down to work, no longer exist. No my friends. It's the Day of the Vibrating Toothbrush. Standing in front of the excruciatingly long row of these mechanical devices, I thought, "Now Self, this is the EPITOME of laziness. Can't even brush one's teeth on one's own arm anymore, huh? Moving the arm too much work for us now? Why not just hire someone to come in and do it for you while you just stand with your mouth gaping open? And maybe said tooth-washer has a friend that professionally wipes butts too - you could get, like, a two-for."

However, I still needed a gib-cleaner, so I had to break down and get one. Have you ever lifted one of these jobs? Seriously though, it's a good thing I've been doing my strength training - these bad boys need a little muscle behind them.

So I go home, unwrap it, and give it a go.

And then the angles sang.

It was a new day.

How can I best describe it? It is as if the little tooth fairies come down from their fluffy tooth clouds and personally massage your hard-working gibs, and all-the-while hum sweet tunes of sugar-free cleanliness as they do. The little bristles just go around and around and around, rolling over the teeth, tickling the gums and making sure your chompers are as clean as a baby's.....mouth, I guess. It's like being at the dentist's office, but without the dentist, and without all the blood, drilling, numbness and screaming.

Sure the vibrating arm of the brush is so loud that you have to repeatedly explain yourself and point sheepishly to your teeth every time you leave the bathroom and your sister looks at you funny. But whatever.

So I have re-thought my position on the vibrating toothbrush. Sometimes, in the morning, just to make myself feel better, I try not to turn it on, and go all old school on my mouth, manually moving the brush up and down. But I always give in, and you know what? If mechanically-cleaned teeth are wrong, I don't want to be right.