Tuesday, December 4, 2007


Bitch is back.

So I was a little crappy the last few days. I have since figured out what was getting me down, which was really a combination of a lot of stuff coming together at a bad time.

But I have since pulled my head out of my butt (as my dad was so fund of saying), knocked out a stellar swim/run workout, and got some work and Christmas gift planning done (planning, not shopping – I need to prepare myself before venturing out into the mad lands).

However, while in the funk, I was talking to a friend who works in the contracting/construction business, and he said he needed to complete a punch list. I have no idea what that means. However, I thought, given my mood of the last few days, I would make my own “punch list,” though likely not of the same variety of my friend. To contrast, I have also developed a “Yay! List,” which will follow this one, possibly in the next day. So here’s my send-off to my funk.

Megan’s Punch List (i.e. People/Things I Would Like To Punch Out)

-People who take advantage of others’ goodness and friendship.

-People that drive down the street at 5 miles an hour, like they are the only one out there, or don’t use their turn signals but instead just come to a dead stop at the corner when surprise turning.

-Parents who can’t understand that their own behaviors contribute to those of their children (i.e. mothers who bring 6 different boyfriends in and out of their son’s life, then move their son around the state and stay in homeless shelters, and then punish him by showering him in cold water MIGHT have something to do with his aggression and hyperactivity. Perhaps? Let’s think, people.)

-Bad workouts.

-People who always make big plans, but then find any excuse possible to not follow through.


-People that swear they have tried everything to lose weight, and just can’t seem to do it. Trust me, you haven’t.


-Screeners who send me 25-page reports to edit at 8PM, and tell me they need it for a staffing the following day. Instant scorn.

-The blisters on my arches from new orthodics.

-People who are nasty and abusive and toxic to others, but then can’t take perspective on their behaviors or understand why other might not want to be around them.

-People who use my office, then leave dirty napkins and tissues on my desk. Seriously?!?

-People that do relationships “on their own terms.”

-People who make fun of my eating habits (maliciously, not in a joking way) or my workout habits.

-And then listening to those people say, "Well, I would do that to if only I didn't have ____ (fill in the blank with family/husband/work, etc)."

-Organic fruit that costs a ton, and rots quickly.

-Consumerism of Christmas.

-Media forecasts that overblow pending snow storms, billing them as "the BIGGEST storm of the season!!!!" Then we get an inch or less of snow.


-The cost to heat a house.

-My trickling shower.

-Being in the car, miles from home, and needing to go to the bathroom. It will literally make me sick, seat and shake. And that’s just to pee.

-Dirty swimming pools.

-Girls who wear short shorts at the gym, thus allowing their asses to hang out. That's not my sweat you smell - it's your desperation. Keep it in the bedroom.

-Nasty divorces and sociopathic exs. Trust me – they will get theirs. Eventually.

-Pushy real estate agents.

-People that can’t park within the lines in a parking garage, and end up taking two spaces. Selfish.

-No open bathrooms on the lakefront path during the winter. What? Runners suddenly don’t need to pee in cold weather?

-Not getting paid on time.


And that's all I came up with in one day. Please feel free to leave your own "punches."



Danielle in Iowa said...

-people who don't understand that umbrellas are the perfect height for taking another pedestrians eye out - hold the effing thing up higher or wear a rain coat! especially on a packed college campus where there are lots of people on the sidewalks and paths. Umbrellas should be banned. In fact, I am morally opposed to umbrellas.

The people who make big plans and then make excuses not to follow through? Drive me nuts!

And really! I have tried everything to lose weight and nothing works! It couldn't possibly be that I ate leftover mac and cheese for breakfast and pizza for lunch! (it was a bad day)

Andy said...

So THAT's the smell in the Gym. Dammit Meg, THANK YOU for clearing that up!

PUNCH LIST: That list which is generated at or near the end of a typical construction project that identifies deficencies in the quality of the workmanship that need to be corrected prior to receiving final payment.

the fire said...

we left out the idiots that shovel a parking spot out and ...nope not the lawn chairs that bother me...but the morons that shovel the snow into the street rather than onto their lawn...also opposed to paying traffic aides...for those not from chicago, we have hired people to stand in an intersection and tell you when to stop and when to go. only these people are governed by the stop light they stand under. what a waste. they wave when it is green and hold their hands up when it is red..finally they guy with the lazy eye...please get a tattoo pointing to the good one...its uncomfortable for all of us when we arent sure which one to look at..sure you folks can say i'm mean...but you also know i'm right...

TJ said...

-people who drive slow in the left hand lane. i usually get stuck behind the two idiots going the same speed...one in the left lane and the other in the right lane.

Andy said...

here in Arizona , in the winter....all the bluehaired wrinkly skinned crabby selfentitled old people