Saturday, December 8, 2007

What Was I Thinking?

Funniest thing happened today. Strange, really.

At some point today, I slipped, fell, and somehow managed to lodge my head up my butt.

Got it good and caught up there, I did.

Now, I don't remember doing this, but I have to imagine that I did, because there is really no other explanation for why I decided I NEEDED to go to Costco on a Saturday afternoon during the Christmas shopping season.

Yeah, I did.

I suuuurrrre did.

Threw myself right in the middle of what can only be compared to as feeding time in the lions den at the local zoo.

And here's the thing - I still have no idea what it was that so very important that I went there. I had a goal, I swear I did - in fact, I am pretty sure, in hindsight, that it had something to do with Christmas shopping or wrapping paper or something of the sort. But as soon as I walked through that garage door opening and saw the chaos that awaited, I got really disoriented, frightened, and frankly, stupified.

So I did what any tired and confused woman with a historically low level of patience would do - I grabbed a cart and wandered aimlessly. 'Cause nothing settles your nerves more that trying to wiggle and squish your way through jammed isles, aggressive moms, and husbands with a dead look in their eyes, while looking for nothing in particular.

But I did. Yup, sure did.

I managed to find some things that I convinced myself I needed (a 6.5 pound bag of frozen chicken breasts and two boxes of Go Lean bars) only to stand in a line that wound its way towards the back of the warehouse. On the positive side, that line moved fairly quickly, which was good because by the time I checked out I had a steam line of pee trickling down my leg (the end result of my refusal to wait in yet another line for the bathroom). Okay, so maybe I didn't actually pee in my pants, but dang I came close.

Highlight! I have "Scrubs" on in the background as I am writing this, and JD just said he was "feeling lightheaded like right before a poo faint." Ha ha ha! Good times.

Ahhh. Feeling better....

So note to self: Self, please do not ever, EVER do that again. Ever. There is nothing that you need so immediately that requires entering the Kingdom of Consumerism during this time of year on a Saturday. Please reserve such trips to either midday during the week, or simply not at all. That is why the Internet, Express Postal Delivery, Pea Pod, and the local grocer were created.

I have to go now - I have some chicken I need to defrost.

3 comments:

Prin said...

lol! I love that when I'm in the mood. In French, they call it the "foule"... (I think it translates to frenzy, lol)

Well earned chicken breasts. :D

The Clyde said...

You're crazy.

The only shopping I do is in front of my computer screen with a Sprite and Southern in hand....no way can I handle the mass stupidity that comes out around the holidays when talking about malls, mega shopping centers, etc.

Cindy Jo said...

I'm buying everyone gift cards for xmas...

I needed to go to Costco Sun. but skipped it for that very reason! Walking near a sample table at Costco on the weekend is as violent as an IM swim start. Except most of the people are HUGE.