Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Nothin' Like Family

Soooo...I thought hell week would end last week, but alas, it didn't want to go so quietly into the night. But come Monday night, I will be back to the "regular" work schedule, and new co-inhabitator - hence, a much less irritable me.

Yup, yup. It's the big move this weekend.

The lack of posts should be enough evidence that I am precariously walking the line of breakdown - not just the move, but EVERYTHING.

I am - FUCK - I am tired.

Throw in the nauseating DNC, ridiculously biased media hellbent on telling us how we should vote, a new landlord that is about to get a Megan-choke-out, and a UHaul store that doesn't know their ass from their left hand, and I all but OWN my "special room" at the local psych hospital.

Cheese is doing his darndest to keep my rage at bay, but sometimes even he can't handle the Super Bitch. Hey, I don't blame him - it's been a long few weeks. I can't even stand myself.

So it helps when you have friends calling to poke fun at high school bitches on Facebook, and other friends sending you articles about fried food such as fried Smores, bacon, and grilled cheese, to make you feel better about the garbage you have been shoving in your face during those all-nighters.

And it ALSO helps when you have family sending these texts:

“So I’m going pee and I hear “mmmm” and what do you know? He’s drinking a beer.”
9am text from my sister Ellen, explaining the morning breakfast routine with my 19-month-old nephew - I still don't know how he got it.

“Put up [a post] already. I’ve taken many lonely dumps with nothing to read on my crackberry.”
My brother Nolan in a text, his own sweet way of making sure I am alive….I think

And then finally, THIS:

Text caption read: "The Mayor of Whoville has found a new love: Fanta."

And by Fanta, she means "Miller."

Just after this picture was taken, Baby Nolan whipped out some extra cups and a roll quarters, looked at my sister, and said, "Game on, bitch."

Oh, and before I go -there'a lot of celebrities making a-holes out of themselves lately. I'll hit Madonna tomorrow ('cause this gem will make me vomit my dinner if I have to re-live it right now), but for today - I give you Puff Daddy (or P-Diddy, for those in the know) on why he'll be calling isle seat on the next American Airlines flight:

Diddy complaining about having to fly commercial. He rants:

“Gas prices are too motherfucking high. As you know, I do own my own jet and I have been having flying back and forth to LA pursuing my acting career. Now, if I’m flying back and forth, like, twice in a month that’s like $200,000 or $250,000 round trip. FUCK that. I’m back on American Airlines right now. Ok? Your boy Diddy right now is on American Airlines. Look. I want to give a shout out to all my Saudi Arabian brothers and sisters and all my brothers and sisters from all the countries that have oil, if you could all please send me some oil for my jet I would truly appreciate it. But right now, can you believe it, I am actually flying commercial. That’s how high gas prices are ok, so I feel you. Look, I’m at the gate right now. This is proof that gas prices are too high, we need to do something about it, so tell whoever the next president is that we need to bring gas back down.”

Do I even need to add commentary here? I mean, it kind sells itself, right? I guess this is how we know we have a national crisis - when PDiddy has to fly commercial with us lowly people because it's "too expensive" to fly his private plane.

Too expensive?

How about - environmentally irresponsible and disgusting waste of money that could actually be put to use and help people?

And NOW that it's affecting his comfort, he's calling upon Americans to do something?!?! What does he believe caused this gas "crisis?" Call me Britney-crazy, but it might have SOMETHING to do with our dependence upon it.

The best line of the whole thing? "Look, I’m at the gate right now. This is proof that gas prices are too high, we need to do something about it."

Oh, I feel your pain Diddy. The other day I had to pay my student loans, but then couldn't afford dinner because my job in child welfare pays dirt - I mean, it's no "acting career" but..wait, what? Not the same thing?


Eh, but this is the same guy that's going to "Rock the Vote" for Obama and talk about how we need to save the world and go green.

No wonder other countries hate us.


Tri-Angle said...

i am the 1st to comment. holy shit. can't believe it. can't use caps......
in kingman
god help me
pictures at 11
oh.....great post btw

Kathy said...

Brilliant! We love you even when you're a ranting lunatic! In fact, that might just be WHY.

Anonymous said...

Please hang in there!!!! The only thing keeping me from going beeezerk is reading your blog. Job sucks. Boyfriend dumped me for playmate w/bigger jugs, although I bet she can't ride a bike like me. Lonely as hell. So I am begging you, keep up the blog! It is incredibly real, very entertaining, and you have such a great sense of humor. For those of us who rely on you, carry on :-)))

M said...

Anon - Awww, thanks. But I'm not going anywhere - lucky you! Just a little slower on the posting in recent days...And sorry to hear about the BF - he's clearly a douche, and we've all dated douches. have faith that there are good ones out there too - if my ass can manage to hook one of the good guys, anyone can.

And p.s. I'd take a bad ass bike-riding chick over a dip shit playmate any day. those jugs will get old and saggy eventually, but there's never a shortage of road to discover and explore. you are stronger and better. his loss. seriously.

Wipaddler said...

woman you never stop cracking me up! I know that usually after a miserable day I can come in here and read or re read a post and laugh my ass off. Thanks for the funny today I totally needed it. And just thing in a week you'll be up in Mad-town cheering on the Ironmen/women and signing up for your next challenge. I will be there all day body marking pen in hand!

21stCenturyMom said...

I'm thinking you need a nice, long nap. Yeah - nap.

Moving sucks - it's enough to make anyone grumpy. Hang tough.

The Young Family said...

Take deep breaths, this too shall pass. You will soon not be worrying about moving vans, and setting up furniture, and trying to figure out what to do with that stuff that just doesn't quite fit into a box, and it is always a lot of that crap! You will soon be all moved in, and realxing with cheese on the couch. - well he might not be on the couch, he may be running for the bathroom cuz he just 'sharted! oh the fun you two will have.


Yes, I read his blog now too, thanks now I have to check two of these things religiously!

Go Mom Go said...

I think the ranting helps. You get a chance to sort things out. We do miss it -- that is why we come here...just to hear you rant.

Anyway, it will all work out and you will love the new place, etc.


Eric said...

It's amazing how there aren't any problems until they begin to affect certain people.

Erin said...

Oh, do I feel your pain. I nearly called in tired to work today. I keep telling myself that I'll get caught up on everything I need to do when the weather isn't so nice, and then I reminded myself that that was going to be right around the countdown to the wedding, and then I cried.

Hang in there, chica. We all have those days/weeks/months.

And Diddy? Really? omg. He's dumber than I originally thought he was....and that's saying a whole lot. What a douche.

Flatman said...

The mayor of whoville ROCKS! That is a great photo... LOL

Moving sucks, but you have a great big strapping boy to lift all the heavy stuff, so it can't be that bad...


Anonymous said...

oh my kids hit the water so much smoother while on the toliet laughing my hairy ass off. the people in my office hate me. i take multiple rank shits a day and most times im laughing out loud at your post while doing it. so imagine you workin in my office me takin a shit and laughing while i do it. wouldnt you be standing out side thinkin im laughing at how bad it smells in there. oh ya another visual.. the bathroom door is the first door in the hall way. meaning everyone has to walk past it to get to there offices. ewwww can u say burnt nose cilia. itcha boy niddy............sounds like diddy but n for nolan get it?

Borsch said...

I hope pdiddy reads this! Someone needs to take him down a peg or two.

Captain Cactus said...

That was an outstanding rant. I'm laughing out loud at work with my office mates wondering why I've lost my mind! Can't wait to read about Madonna.

Kelly B. said...

Would rather live beside the USofA than lots of other countries...
Love your very real and great opinions and dead on lots of the time!!!

Prin said...

Good luck with the cohabbing. (It's like rehab, only constructive or something... Maybe?)

As for diddy... Well... Yeah, I think media exposure of certain people might give a bad impression of the US on other countries...