Yup, yup. It's the big move this weekend.
The lack of posts should be enough evidence that I am precariously walking the line of breakdown - not just the move, but EVERYTHING.
I am - FUCK - I am tired.
Throw in the nauseating DNC, ridiculously biased media hellbent on telling us how we should vote, a new landlord that is about to get a Megan-choke-out, and a UHaul store that doesn't know their ass from their left hand, and I all but OWN my "special room" at the local psych hospital.
Cheese is doing his darndest to keep my rage at bay, but sometimes even he can't handle the Super Bitch. Hey, I don't blame him - it's been a long few weeks. I can't even stand myself.
So it helps when you have friends calling to poke fun at high school bitches on Facebook, and other friends sending you articles about fried food such as fried Smores, bacon, and grilled cheese, to make you feel better about the garbage you have been shoving in your face during those all-nighters.
And it ALSO helps when you have family sending these texts:
“So I’m going pee and I hear “mmmm” and what do you know? He’s drinking a beer.”
9am text from my sister Ellen, explaining the morning breakfast routine with my 19-month-old nephew - I still don't know how he got it.
“Put up [a post] already. I’ve taken many lonely dumps with nothing to read on my crackberry.”
My brother Nolan in a text, his own sweet way of making sure I am alive….I think
And then finally, THIS:
Text caption read: "The Mayor of Whoville has found a new love: Fanta."
And by Fanta, she means "Miller."
Just after this picture was taken, Baby Nolan whipped out some extra cups and a roll quarters, looked at my sister, and said, "Game on, bitch."
Oh, and before I go -there'a lot of celebrities making a-holes out of themselves lately. I'll hit Madonna tomorrow ('cause this gem will make me vomit my dinner if I have to re-live it right now), but for today - I give you Puff Daddy (or P-Diddy, for those in the know) on why he'll be calling isle seat on the next American Airlines flight:
Diddy complaining about having to fly commercial. He rants:
“Gas prices are too motherfucking high. As you know, I do own my own jet and I have been having flying back and forth to LA pursuing my acting career. Now, if I’m flying back and forth, like, twice in a month that’s like $200,000 or $250,000 round trip. FUCK that. I’m back on American Airlines right now. Ok? Your boy Diddy right now is on American Airlines. Look. I want to give a shout out to all my Saudi Arabian brothers and sisters and all my brothers and sisters from all the countries that have oil, if you could all please send me some oil for my jet I would truly appreciate it. But right now, can you believe it, I am actually flying commercial. That’s how high gas prices are ok, so I feel you. Look, I’m at the gate right now. This is proof that gas prices are too high, we need to do something about it, so tell whoever the next president is that we need to bring gas back down.”
Do I even need to add commentary here? I mean, it kind sells itself, right? I guess this is how we know we have a national crisis - when PDiddy has to fly commercial with us lowly people because it's "too expensive" to fly his private plane.
How about - environmentally irresponsible and disgusting waste of money that could actually be put to use and help people?
And NOW that it's affecting his comfort, he's calling upon Americans to do something?!?! What does he believe caused this gas "crisis?" Call me Britney-crazy, but it might have SOMETHING to do with our dependence upon it.
The best line of the whole thing? "Look, I’m at the gate right now. This is proof that gas prices are too high, we need to do something about it."
Oh, I feel your pain Diddy. The other day I had to pay my student loans, but then couldn't afford dinner because my job in child welfare pays dirt - I mean, it's no "acting career" but..wait, what? Not the same thing?
Eh, but this is the same guy that's going to "Rock the Vote" for Obama and talk about how we need to save the world and go green.
No wonder other countries hate us.