Monday, June 30, 2008

And So It Goes

"Diet" is "Evil" Spelled with Different Letters
So I have figured out where I may have gone wrong in this whole food business.

Of course, there are the obvious pot holes – the bad foods, yada yada – I get it, no sugar.

And I have been doing really good with the whole "no candy and ice cream" bit, even if it means I have resorted to knawing the skin off the side of my fingers right by the fingernails.

Anyone else notice that blood can, in a delerium, taste like cookie dough?

But lately I have been eating those 100-calories packs – you know the ones that actual take the guess work out of it and do the whole appropriate measuring for you?

See, my former fool-proof method of NOT eating entire bags of stuff was too keep the bag in the cabinet across the room, so that I would have to actually get up when I wanted more.

And since we all know how lazy I am, it was a safe bet that after two handfuls, no potato chip tasted THAT good for another trip.

But then this little trick stopped working. Why? Well, mostly because I live in an apartment where the kitchen cabinet is three feet from my bed.

You do the math.

So back to that 100-calorie packs. See, I figured this would be my new fool-proof method, and I thought, "Self, you know what 100 calories look like - so you have one pack and move one! Genius! Back to skinny Ironman jeans in no time!"

Turns out my 100-calories guess-timate weren’t all that far off.

If I was a eating for a family of six.

When you actually look at it, 100 calories is really not that much. I mean, it’s like four Triscuits. Who eats just four Triscuts?

Well, I guess me…now.

Shucks.

And I love this whole idea of making everything "mini" - like, you won't know your only eating four Triscuts if they're cut up into twenty ant-size crackers.

Mmmmm, yummmy....can I get a side of air with that?

Bottom line? I can cut out all the sweets in the world, but if I am inhaling eight packages of 100-calorie Chex mix, well then what’s the point?

Ah, moderation.

I hate you.



Fire-Fighting
And on the topic of weight - Here’s a question.

Why are running partners important?

It’s always good to have someone on hand to stop-drop-and-roll your chub when you catch fire from the friction of inner thigh rub.

Without ‘em, you’re just another girl making a run for the waters of Lake Michigan with smoke coming out of her ass.

6 comments:

Danielle in Iowa said...

Who needs running partners when you have Body Glide? :-)

Alili said...

You're killing me. :)

Prin said...

You're right. F*** the chex and eat the candy you really do want. Mmmm.

Wait. That wasn't the moral of this story?

I had strawberry cake while reading your blog. It doesn't get any pinker than that. :D (No comment on the caloric content- I'm trying to get my boobs back...)

Molly said...

fire fighters are hot!
100 calorie packs are evil.
take care

MissAllycat said...

I can never manage to eat just one of those damn 100-calorie packs. Clever marketing, Nabisco, but Dude. You are totally right on. 100-calories worth of cookies is just plain sad.

Michael Tragic said...

Sorry to answer your question here... but to be honest, you did not have me at boobs. I have been reading your blog since the begining. I post a lot of personal stuff on mine so I have alwats debated writing to you.. truth is you had me at your smile. never seen anything like it. Thats why I always come here....to stare. Sorry I did not post based on your post today....I will read it when my work slows down... I have just been crushing on you since the begining.