Well, there's that...
I think it says something about your day when your biggest accomplishment is “not drowning.” What exactly it says, I don’t know, but once the chlorine high from all the swallowed water wears off, I am sure I’ll have an answer.
Rewarded for Stupidity
Speaking of accomplishments, I paid my parking tickets today. Oh yeah, it’s plural. And guess what? Laziness really does have a price, because when you get a parking ticket and throw it in your back seat and it slips under the spare tire you still haven’t put back in your trunk, and starts to party with the tickets left there from the last few months – well, I sort of forgot about them and the shit adds up. Like, a lot. So after signing my name over in blood to the City of Evanston, I decided my reward for paying my severely overdue parking tickets (never you mind that it was my fault they were overdue in the first place) was a piece of cake from the bakery. 'Cause every good deed deserves a piece of cake, people. Life rule #302. Write it down.
And speaking of shit, I have decided that I cuss WAYYYYYY too much. It came to my attention this weekend at the race, and I thought, “Huh, no one else seems to be cussing.” And people, I cuss at everything – it used to be for emphasis, now it’s just like everyday language. For example, in a greeting, “Hey! What the fuck is up?” Or a simple observation, “Waukegan sure is a shithole.” Or an update on the weather, “Fuck me it’s hot!” Point being is that my cussing is far beyond the blue streak and more like the Pride rainbow right now, so I am going to try to tone it down a touch.
And following this point, I decided I am going to replace said cuss words with nice, happy words. For example, “No shit” will become “No Snapple!” And “Shut the Fuck Up!” is now “Shut the Front Door!”
Yeah, so here’s some embarrassment for the day: I happened to click upon the movie “Hairspray” (you know, the one where John Travolta is the tranny? Yeah, that one) the other day when I was lounging around the apartment. Problem is: I can’t stop watching it. No seriously. Like, I know the words to all the songs now, after only three days, and I sing along while I ride my bike. Is this weird?
Well, Frappacino Off.