Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Post #2 - Boobs aka Triathlon Giveth and Triathlon Taketh Away

So I noticed the other day that my strapless bra fell off.

Like, slide right down my belly.

Now, one with a rationale mind might think, “Oh, my boobs must have gotten smaller.”

Not me.

I blamed the bra.

“Oh, it must be stretched out…by my enormous jublies.”

So today I took myself bra shopping.

I grabbed a couple of D’s, and threw in some C’s - you know, just in case training really has taken a toll that I was not aware of.

When the D’s left room for a whole separate watermelon, I reluctantly tried on the C’s.

No matter how much I hoisted, pulled, twisted, adjusted – the suckers just would not fill the cups.

So I did what I am best at –

Turned on the denial, and bought myself some ice cream.

And then bitched up a storm.

Seriously.

Seriously.

A B-cup?

Not since the 5th grade had I ever sunk so low.

And it’s crazy – for as long as I could remember, I have lamented my large boobies– couldn’t wear the cute little tops, had to buy the orthopedic-looking bras – you know the drill, my large-breasted friends.

But now, all I can think of is that it’s not fair.

The whole episode trigger a memory of a scene from one of my favorite movies – “Beautiful Girls.” If you’re familiar with the movie, it’s the scene where Rosie O’Donnell give Timothy Hutton and Matt Dillon a tongue lashing for their love of all things Playboy and airbrushed.

She says that, in summary, God is a fair man – he gives heavier women big boobs, and skinny bitches small boobs.

And every time I watch this, me and my double D’s would scream at the tv, “Hell YEAHH!!!! Right on!!!”

Then I’d high-five each boob and eat a cheeseburger.

But now I’m like, “Hey - WTF?”

Okay, fine – I do work out a lot. And yes, my body has changed as a result.

But if God was going to take away my basooms, why’s he stop there?

What? He can’t see the sizable ass and hips from Heaven?

Doubtful.

The Man, I am told, can see all.

Shit’s not right, man.

18 comments:

MissAllycat said...

I feel you pain, sista. I lost a cup size this marathon season. I'm mourning my loss with cheesecake, but to no avail. Come back, girls!!

Andra Sue said...

I'm sorry, but I am WAY jealous of your shrinking boobies. :(

Mine = always the same. God help me if the band size goes down to a 32, cause then I'll never be able to find undergarments that fit. And training only makes my ass get bigger. Go figure.

The Big Cheese said...

!!!Call me Stat!!!!!

Prin said...

Hmm. I would like to see these pictures where you're Rosie O'donnell heavy. I don't think they exist. Hmm.

I've been pretty lucky in that after losing 30 something pounds, I've still got most of my breastesses (and ass to match, lol!). I think I'll keep it this way.

Cindy Jo said...

I can always relate to your posts Megan! Until this one...

Alili said...

Well, whatever he took away from you he gave to me...and I am not impressed, although the husband is...

The Clyde said...

I'm a B cup, you got a problem with that?

Erin said...

hilarious, as usual, and so true. Love the Beautiful Girls reference. One of my favorite monologues of all time.

Comm's said...

No pictures, didn't happen

Benson said...

Very funny. Got me giggling like a teenager who found a stash of old playboys...but I digress.

I get a similar effect from swimming in cold water. *cough* shrinkage *cough*. And since I've been doing a lot of swimming lately, I haven't seen my 'normal' buddy in a long, long time.
I can't wait for off season...and again, I digress.

Fave said...

i don't understand the problem. oh to be a B cup. maybe one day when I grow up.
I guess the grass is always greener or some shit like that.

Tri-Angle said...

I'm with Comm on this one

didn't happen

peter said...

Funny post. To lose weight, no matter where, is good, right? That's what we work for as we age.

Doug said...

Ah, problems...

riderpitts said...

nope im not going to comment - girls dont pooh and they dont talk about boobs.

Kathleen said...

I am going through the same predicament, only I didn't start out as "full" as you lucky gals. How come any body fat I lose comes directly off the "girls" and no where else? I'm practically in training bra sizes again. Meanwhile, a girl at work is sporting her new, full implants. Sigh :-(

jennyc said...

That's just a bit mental that. I don't know if that's ever happened to me but it's deffo an urban legend. Wow. They'll be back.

Michael Tragic said...

I am sorry for your loss!