Monday, July 7, 2008

Domesticity

So after the onslaught on fun and pictures (see previous three posts) over the last several days, it's time to get down to business.

I am having a houseguest tomorrow.

This event happens about once a month, or once every 21-25 days, and the night before the arrival, I am pretty frenzied.

Why?

Let’s face it – 25 days of the month, I am your typical bachelorette. I live alone, I come and go as I please, I answer to no one, and if I feel like leaving my undies on the bathroom floor, there’s not a soul around to complain. Don't get me wrong - I am not dirty. Not at all. It's just that, with all that's going on, things can get, well...messy.

On any given day, I am the kind of girl who:

1. Grocery shops on an as-need basis. If I can’t carry everything from the car to the apartment in one trip, I don’t buy it.

2. Wears two different socks pretty much all the time – not because I am trying to make a fashion statement, but because I often just pull out the first two socks I see and put them on. In fact, many a time I don’t even fold the clothes after doing the laundry – I just leave it in the basket and take what I need when I need it.

3. On that note, most of my clothes (minus my collection of sundresses, which are all hung up, thankyouverymuch) are often wrinkled because I don’t own an iron. In my defense here, most of my non-dresses are workout clothes, which also frequently double as my daily clothes (yes, even to the office, which I pop in and out of before/after workouts). So does it matter if they are wrinkled? I think not.

4. Washes my dishes when I need to – which isn’t often, because I am the world’s laziest eater so everything is pre-prepared, like Weight Watchers microwave meals, spinach in a bag (just throw some dressing in, shake and voila! Meal time!), or turkey sandwiches. If it can’t be made in three minutes or less, I don’t eat.

5. Owns only two plates. The rest is Tupperware, out of which I eat my cereal.

6. Cleans my bathroom twice a month - hey, I said I'm not dirty, just messy, and bathroom cleaning is the worst.

7. Randomly finds pretzel nuggets under my pillow.

8. Sleeps on one side of the bed, while the other side is usually occupied by past and current issues of Runners World and Triathlete, two random books, paperwork, a pen and my cell phone.

Wow – looking at that list, it seems I would hardly make for a good wifey one day. I am pretty sure I am about as undomesticated as they come.

I think my only redeeming quality is that I wash my bed sheets with regularity. ‘Cause that’s just gross.

So yeah…I’m kind of a catch.

Lock your brothers and husbands up.

So when I have houseguests, all hell breaks loose, and I am forced to clean up my pig pen. The upshot is that my place is so small, it only takes by a minute to shove everything into their own hiding places.

And today’s big project?

I bought an air conditioner. Yup, little Meggie measured her window, determined the BTUs, drove herself to the Home Depot, found a model, loaded it into her car all by herself, brought it up three flights of stairs (okay fine, I used the elevator, but I still carried it down the hall), and attempted to install it. And that’s where the story ends – I gave up after ten minutes, threw the screws across the room, stomped my foot and wagged my finger at it.

Moments later, my Healthy Choice meal beeped to tell me it was ready, so dinner was served.

Now it’s off to clean the bathroom.

Awesome.

5 comments:

Molly said...

I dish out the dough to get my bathroom cleaned...if it was up to me twice a month would be pushing it!
Have fun with the houseguest!
Take Care

The Clyde said...

I take it that it's not Cheese coming, because I know you wouldn't be cleaning on his behalf. ;-)

Saw the news coverage on that police officer your Dad knew....absolutely devastating, looked like the entire force of Chicago was there.

the fire said...

window units, screws really??? hmm are you building on? shouldnt be that difficult. there is a homemade one you could make. Look it up on youtube pretty cool. the slides on the sides will never give you a perfect fit. You can fill the voids with rags, or weather stripping that is made for that specific purpose.

Wipaddler said...

Seriously we have to be related. I'm the same way and guess what? I have a house guest today too! I have in my blog the race and the whole event.

Prin said...

ooo, guesty! Have fun being un-you. Like a mini-vacation. lol