Thursday, July 31, 2008

Moving on Up

Before I launch into my big “what does it all mean?” post, two things:

First, I just wanted to take a second and tell my sister, Ellen, that I am thinking about her and her family. Despite my profession, I don’t always have the right things to say, and maybe sometimes and some situations don’t always require any bits of wisdom. But Ellie – you are on my mind, and I know that, like many other things in your life, you will persevere through this – you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You’re a great mommy.

Second, thanks so much for all the food suggestions. Not only did I have to actually make a grocery that consisted of things other than Smart Ones microwave meals (for one), peaches, frozen spinach and canned tuna, but it also reminded how effing lazy I have become when it comes to my eating. Not just lazy in my preparing it, but lazy in my shopping for it, thinking about it, etc. The most time I usually spend thinking about my food is the ten minutes it takes for my instant brown rice to cook.

And that ten minutes is usually spent inhaling a bag of pretzels and wondering what the hell is taking so long.

So thanks for bringing me back to honest.

As for the rest of this post – I figured it was about time to start talking about this.

Phew.

Here goes.

(Neck crack, knuckle crack)

So in exactly one month, the Cheese and I will start cohabitating.

There it is. I said it.

My room for one will become an apartment for two.

Mostly, I am bubbling with excitement. See, Cheese and I have dated for the last 11 months (12 months by the time he relocates). He’s from Kansas, but spends 3-4 weeks of the month on the road for his job. His 4-5 day breaks between deployments are usually spent here in Chicago, so it made sense for him to move here.

But for these first 11 months of our relationship, we have mostly been apart, trying to build us up from these intermittent visits, and mostly phone conversations. And since most of our time is spent on the phone, I think it goes without saying that, when you try to build a relationship this way, it’s like a breeding ground for issues – all those things that new couples sweep under the rug those first blissful months were smacking us in the face right out of the gate.

So we’ve had some ups and downs. My insecurities RAGED (I mean, how would you deal if you knew your boyfriend was spending weeks in hotels with other girls? Me? Not so well). And for him, I think there was an adjustment period for him, too (I won't embarress him by laying them out here).

And the emotional stuff aside – we both have grown accustomed to being single – to having our own space, our own time, our own lives. I live alone, come and go as a I please, I eat what I want and certainly don’t cook (Cheese, in fact, was the first one to use my stove, even though I lived here for months before meeting him), shower three times a day, and sleep diagonal across my bed. My bed partner is often a stack of magazines and unread books, I stockpile tampons, I ride my bike on the trainer without worrying someone is sleeping, I fart and no one cares, and I have a tendency to leave my clean clothes unfolded in the basket until I need them. I have no concerns about the fridge housing only bottled water and ketchup, I own two plates and a pot I stole from my sister, and I tend to leave wet towels on the bed – basically, I am about single as it gets.

And decision-making – before, the only person I consulted about everything was ME. Wanna do an Ironman? Self says okay. Wanna go buy a new sundress? Self agrees, and suggests you throw in some shoes. Now these things will all require consultation.

It's sort of weird giving up my single girl status - not in the sense that I want to still date (I don't) but I have been the last (wo)man standing for so long that I guess I sort of got used to that identity.

Is that weird?

And then there are the implications of what this all means. Here again I should stress that I love this man – I loved him before I ever laid eyes on him, and every day I am amazed that even more love can get squeezed into the little openings in my heart. And though we can argue like champs, we love each other with a passion that refuses to let us quit. He constantly strives to be a better man to me, and I for him.

So it's natural to think ahead– I mean, he wouldn’t be moving here if we weren’t planning to move forward. It’s weird too, because we both came into this with a “no marriage” stance. And now that has changed. And for as much I want this all, it’s still scary, no?

Can he live with and survive my crazy? Can I live with and survive his?

I mean, I am not so naive to think that "all you need is love" to make things work. So do we have what it takes to make this work?

I'd like to think so. I'd like to believe that all the ups and downs have left us with greater respect and certainty that this is right - we are right.

I don’t know if I am even articulating this all very well – I am still sorting it all out.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am standing on the edge of some really big changes.

Good changes, but big nonetheless.

Little Meggie is growing up.

And she’s bringing Cheese with her.

Hope he likes to Swiffer.

19 comments:

RunBubbaRun said...

That's a whole lot of change going on there... But change is good sometimes..

Good luck with the new living arrangments.

Kathy said...

I have NEVER lived a single life like that, and I am sooooo jealous!! I want it! It sounds like great fun - no responsibilities to anyone - WOW, what a dream.....

Best of luck with the cohabitating! No doubt we are in for some awesome posts following the big move in date....

Go Mom Go said...

Wow!

I hope all is well with the arrangements/changes. Truly.

Congratulations and I will add prayers for you, Cheese, and your sister to my list.

Peace!

Tri-Angle said...

The below comment concerns me Ms Meg....

....He constantly strives to be a better man to me, and I for him.....

Is there some sex change thing you're not telling us?!
Sorry..the grammer struck me funny.
I'm excited for you two.
Hope things with Ellie get ok....
I've got some cohab ideas for you. I'll email....

IM Able said...

BITCH, I LEARN ABOUT THIS HERE!!

Good grief.

And wow.

Big wow.

I'm excited for you. And I don't have any worries, because I totally know you can manage this. Cakewalk. If I can put up with Michael's incessant (omgitsallthetime) zombie movies and diet pepsi burps, you can deal with...well, whatever.

Yeah. (clapping at my desk) Dees ees goood.

Erin said...

Oh boy, do I know where you're coming from. It's scary, and there are hard parts involved in taking another into consideration all the time, but in the end? So worth it.

The Clyde said...

Hell YEAH!!! Cheese in the city, can't wait.

All that other sh!t works itself out (for the most part at least), you'll see.

You swimming tomorrow morning with us? 7ish or so at the Ohio St. Beach.

Andra Sue said...

I told you this before via email, but, YAY MEGAN AND CHEESE!!!

Oh the blog fodder you will have after the co-habitating starts. Can't wait. :)

p.s. being a grownup really is pretty great, once you get used to it. I predict it will agree with you well.

momo said...

meg, this is a big step and i'm so excited for you! i know you and cheese are up for it. as long as the lines of communication are open - you will be fine, promise.

big hugs to you both!!

stronger said...

You don't have to give up your identity...but you may have to live more grown up ;)

Although, I have 3 baskets of clean clothes sitting in my bedroom just waiting to be put away...for 2 or 3 weeks. I have kids and I'm still not grown up.

Those 11 months prepared you two to make the necessary adjustments into each other's lives. If you can get through all of that- living together should be a snap.

I'd say 11mos of long distance is something like dog years. I think it translates to 3 years together because you are forced with difficult communication when the physical aspect is not always there to be used as a buffer.

Wipaddler said...

Congrats!! It's hard living with a boy at first and giving up the single life. I was lucky when I started I had my own place that I could go back to if I needed a time out. Think of it this way even if he moves in he will still be traveling 3 weeks a month?

Oh and I had to give up on the baskets and I now have a plastic tote of clothes hanging out in the bedroom. A nice change from having all of my laundry on the spare bed!!

Prin said...

Yey!

I think all you need is respect to go along with the love and things should be golden...

And if not, you can always move in with me so I can afford toilet paper again.

Anonymous said...

hope those tampons are unused. that could be a stinky shituation. guess who...hopkins was amazing. i was sleeping when you texted. call me asap

jessica said...

sounds exciting for you guys!

and the laundry basket full of clean clothes thing probably won't change -- I still do that even though I have all day to put laundry away. I think it's some sort of subversive feminist reflex where I avoid doing domestic things to completion :)

Amy said...

YAY!!! Megan and Cheese shackin' up. Think of all the new habits you can get into so that you can continue with some of your activities without him really realizing it. For example: I hide the cups that I've used and am too lazy to walk to the kitchen in the couch cushions.

Brian comments after almost every one of your posts that we are the same person. And some of it is oddly true. Like the long stretch of time when 75% of my diet was toast (toast with butter, or toast with cheese, or toast with tuna and cheese, or toast with spagetti sauce when you have left over spaghetti sauce but are WAY too lazy to do the whole bowl water thing).We've now replaced toast with eggs and crackers. I still leave wet towels on things. I walk around in my gitch. As for my messes, I tell B I'm training him for kids. But I did luck out, I got a man who folds laundry!

KrissyGo! said...

Wow! That's awesome! Congrats!

And if there was ever a reason I should always keep up with reading blogs, it's so I don't miss out on times like this.

I've got a big honkin' grin on my face for you both.

:D

See?

kodiacbear said...

and he still won't care if you fart...:)

kodiacbear said...

Congrats and Good Luck!!

MissAllycat said...

Nice!! You're going to rock the cohabitating thing. Yay for you and Cheese!