Three to Chew On

Dinner
I got up to go to the bathroom a short time ago after laying bed, and saw something dark smeared on my leg. I thought it must have been ink from the pen that was next to me, or my rottenness was finally seeping out through my skin. Turns out it was cookie from the ice cream sandwich I ate for dinner.

Eh, well.


FLK
Before I say anything, let me just state that all kids are miracles, and if you believe in that sort of thing, they are also all God’s gifts, blah, blah, blah.

But every now and then, you might just get stopped in your tracks when you see a funny looking one.

You know.

An FLK.

Funny Looking Kid.

This happened to me today.

I was pulling in the parking lot, and lo and behold, here comes an FLK walking straight towards my car.

I guess in a way he could have been cute, but really, he looked like a man, but in a really little body.

Uhhh…

Wait.

Come to think of it, it may have been a little man.

Hmm.

But nonetheless, getting back to my point – though most kids are cute, some are also kinda funny looking.

Just like many adults, though cute, are also funny looking (see also: Sarah Jessica Parker).

And trust me, no one knows this better than I – after all, I just did a whole post on how I generally think I am funny looking.

And not only do I think I look funny now, but I know FOR SURE I was an FLK in my wee years.

Oh yeah, I was. What, did you think this forehead just appeared around age 13? Uh uh. No. It was there – just imagine it on a one year old.

In fact, I am pretty sure that once I came down that chute on that happy day of birth, my mom took one look at me, rolled her eyes, shook her head, and cursed in Croatian at my father’s genetic contribution of his most dominate feature.


There was a while there when I wondered if my nephew might be an FLK, but then he grew, and his wrinkles smoothed out, and his features got less, well, funny looking. And now I think he’s a darn cute kid, but truth be told, I’m kinda biased.



Like Suri Cruise, for example – cute kid, but isn’t she kinda, well, funny looking? And that Affleck baby – cute as a button, but funny looking. I mean, Ben Affleck is her dad, after all.

So, I have no real point in all of this except to say that seeing an FLK when least expected can be startling, especially when operating heavy machinery, i.e. a car.



Bitch is Back
I am going to save any rants of old people for another post, seeing as I pretty much did myself in with the FLK, but I will say this: If that old lady comes into my lane ONE MORE TIME, despite the fact that the other four lanes are WIDE OPEN, without warning, and then gestures AGAIN for me to move lanes, I will be forced to pull out the “tell-it-like-it-is-Megan” on her ass. That, or drown her. One or the other.

And since I'm a nice person, I'd let her chose.