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So Cheese brought it to my attention that I neglected to report I would also be running a half-marathon during my Nashville trip this past weekend.

Not sure why I forgot, but I did.

And I ran it.

Turns out Nashville got itself some hills, and I missed that memo.

Also turns out that trying to run 13.1 very torturous hilly miles in 90 degree heat after coming from 8 months of 30 or lower temps here in flat, flat Chicago is just a bit harder then anticipated.

It wasn't the going up part of the hills that beat my ass - I am actually pretty good at that part, technique-wise.

It was the going down part that crippled my quads by Mile 11 (up to which point I was running a PR, despite the conditions).

After Mile 11 and 12, I watched my PR be wiped out by four minutes. But in the end, I finished, and I am proud of that.

I also ended up in the medical tent right after I finished (first time ever in a race for me!). It was super scary at the time, but I'm fine now - well, still quad-cripped two days later, but mostly fine.

I didn't see Dane from the Biggest Loser - I checked the results, and there is a guy with his same name but a different age, so I can't tell if it's actually him. But the guy that's listed finished in just under 6 hours, I believe.

And given that it was the second hardest race I ever ran (second only to my Ironman), kudos to whoever that man was for finishing, Biggest Loser or not. Dang, that was a brutal day!

The most exciting part of the weekend was hanging out with my brother and his wife. I can't even really articulate how much fun I had just visiting and hanging out, and how generous they were to open their home to me. I wish I could have stayed all week! I keep having these fantasies about moving down there, living on my little farm, slowing down my pace of life - just simplifying everything.

It also smells so good down there - all Spring-like, and flowery, and not-Chicago.

Sigh. I do like the South.

And I am swamped with work right so I gotta run.

Later

I have nothing to say really, but I didn't want to my previous ranting post to head up this blog for three days while I hit the road to Nashville. I am flying solo to visit my brother and sister-in-law.

I also got tagged by the running fool (love her), but my brain is so zapped right now that I will have to work my creative magic on the plane tomorrow.

Of course, right after my plane nap.

And before I peace out of this bitch - happy birthday to Captian Pants, who will be running the Big Sur with her badass husband, Captian Cactus, this weekend.

My oh my - what we athletes do to celebrate milestones.....

Hope you all have a good weekend.

FAT
To celebrate my one year anniversary as an Ironman, I weighed myself at the gym last week.

Turns out that my once-favorite Ironman motto of “You will do this” has become “If it ain’t elastic, I ain’t wearing it.”


Stink
My farts have been really bad as of late. Like, smell wise. And potency.

The kind where, 10 minutes after you fart, it still hangs thick in the air like the shame over a bedroom the morning after a one night stand.

Or so I’ve heard.

From my friends.

They’re real sluts.


Twit
I have reached the pinnacle of voyeurism. No, it wasn’t the obsessive scouring of photos every time I get a friend request on FB, or even the routine checking of blogs.

I mean, yes - I still do those.

But I refer now to the fact that I have been on Twitter for a week now, have yet to post even once, but check it about one an hour.

Twitter is like the cliff-notes version of blogging. One liners, right to the point.

“Just got back from run and it sucked.”

“Made cookies and ate them all.”

And it was all fun and games until this morning – when I didn’t get to the remote control fast enough, and ended up having my senses assaulted by the *ahem* ladies of The View.

Turns out good old Barbara W is all about the Twitter now.

So I figure, if 150-year-old ladies are getting on this bandwagon, maybe its already time to get off.

I mean, first Ashton, then Oprah, and now this?

Is there ANYTHING cool a celebrity doesn’t ruin?!?!?!


Drink Up
My job has officially turned me into a wino. No shit. For the last 10 years, I have been virtually alcohol free, save a few minor incidents of which we no longer speak.

And all photos have been burned.

Anylush, I have now taken to having a glass of wine every night. I figure, hey, if I have to work until midnight, just to round out my 18 hour days, why not do it with some of this magic elixir everyone is talking about?

I have somehow reasoned that a glass of wine is somehow sooo much better and less of a "on-her-way-to-being-a-drunk-in-the-gutter"-type-vice then pouring myself a stiff martini.

Just how is this different?

I don’t know.

But four glasses in, I don’t care either.

I Have to Show Up For Two Days of This?

Top Five Things I Learned in My First-of-Two Training Days

1. No matter what city, state or type of training, there’s always that one person who has an answer/comment/story for everything. And the combination of those three things will inevitably prevent the training from ending on time.

2. No matter how many times the instructor gives cell phone instructions (i.e. turn it off or at least on vibrate), there will always be that one person who not only doesn’t turn it off, but will answer the call and talk right there in the middle of the training.

3. No amount of coffee will work after 230.

4. An hour lunch or ten-minute break really means that…plus apparently at least ten more minutes or frankly whenever you feel like bringing your happy ass back so the rest of us can start.

5. Pinching yourself to stay awake is ineffective, and only leaves you with a bloody hand.

And finally, for the Presenter: The word is “specific,” not “pacific.”

That’s an ocean.

Hi ho, hi ho. Onto Day 2 we go.

Taxing

Dear Evanston Post Office,

While you have never been known for your efficiency and customer service, I would be remiss if I did not address my visit this afternoon.

Despite the fact that the entire country is talking “taxes,” and that Tax Day is the same day EVERY YEAR, it appears that you missed the memo that Tax Day is, in fact, tomorrow.

April 15th.

I mean, you must have forgotten, right? As I cannot cognitively understand why you would staff only two (of a possible seven) tellers at the only post office in the city.

Two.

Now, perhaps you thought that I was more like many of the other women in the city who are more “Desperate Housewives” then, well, an over-full-time working single lady, a la “Ally McBeal.” And perhaps you thought this meant I had all the time in the world to stand in that long-ass line and admire the vast varieties of colored envelopes and stamp designs to my heart’s content.

But alas – I actually have a job.

One that gives me a paycheck.

A paycheck with taxes taken out.

Lots and lots and lots of taxes.

And now, in addition to having those taxes taken out, I must now give more.

And those taxes?

They’re due tomorrow.

So if you will kindly employ another teller to handle my precious package that represents all those hard-ass hours of work I must now hand over to the government (that I already take a paycut to work for) so I can get back to that job, I would so very much appreciate it.

And if you don’t have another teller on staff, I hear there is a recession going on, and a lot of people that would be happy to receive a paycheck.

And pay taxes.

Like me.

And even though most people pay me to give advice, I'll give ya that one for free.

Seems all these taxes have put me in the gift-giving sort of mood.

Oh, and to the 11 of 19 people in front of me who - despite standing in that same line for all that time - waited until you got to the teller window to fill out your paper work?

I hope you get audited.

Sincerely and now many dollars lighter,

M


(And to the rest - a little laugh in case your tax day was as rough as mine - http://www.theonion.com/content/news/media_having_trouble_finding_right?utm_source=a-section -you're welcome!)

Hey, it's a Start...

Yeah, yeah - long time not talk. I could blame it on Facebook, but then I would have to admit that I neglect that too. I think that (despite what my family says to the contrary) I simply don't have a lot to say lately.

You can only bitch about the weather and a job for so many posts, no?

So here's a smattering of what's been in my head.


1. I have decided that I will never been an Ironman champ. Why? Boobs are too big.

Surely that is the only reason.


2. I am pretty sure I have the world’s worst muscle tone. I mean, even though my little legs can take me on a 3-hour brick any given Sunday, they have the cellulite look of an 80-old smoker who has led a life of leisure and inactivity. I don’t get it. I am going to be forced to run my ½ marathon in Nashville in running pants just to hide the atrocity.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

You know - us girls can't a flippin' break, like EVER. First, it's the whole 3-decades long mentration bullshit, with all it's cramps and PMS and blood and tampon glory. And then, just when you think you've done your "Lady Time," you have to suffer another decade or two of menapause and it's hot-flash fabulousness and hormone replacement. Oh, and if you're "lucky," you get a few 9-month vacations in there. But fear not - those vacations end WITH A KID.

What the fuck kind of present is that?!?!?

It's crap.

What do boys get?

Maybe a receeding hairline and some extra pudge. And yet they're the ones entitled to mid-life crisis?!? They can all just suck it. Suck my big fat leg cellulite.


3.Greatest lesson learned this weekend? Activa gives me diarrhea. Of course, the ass explosion is only secondary to the rock-hard stomach-extending bloat and gas the precedes it. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking –

Thank GAWD I am engaged.


4. So I joined Twitter. Because in addition to the blog AND Facebook status updates, I figured that it is absolutely imperative that there be not.one.single.second of my life that goes unnoticed or unannounced.

I mean, if you can’t live out loud, how can you live?


5. Greatest part of Easter dinner (besides my mom's cooking)?

Watching my nephew dance to and sing "I Hate This Part (Right Here)."

Because nothing celebrates the death and resurrection of Christ like a two-year-old singing the words to a Pussycat Dolls song.

The shit warms the cockles of the heart, you know?

(truth be told - it was effing HYSTERICAL and I can't wait to get the video to post it. so the question is: does that make me a bad aunt that i completely and whole heartedly encourage these performances? i think not. in fact, i think that the easter basket i brought him filled with candy, paint, and -yes- tattoos, sort of cancels out any "bad" i could do as an aunt.

it's true.

it's just how the world works.

i don't make the rules.)

Engagement Party

Long week last week, followed by a long weekend of party. Went out to Kansas for my engagement party, thrown by Cheese's sister. It was fantastic, even if the weather didn't cooperate one bit (the half-marathon we were supposed to run Saturday morning was cancelled, so there was no way to work off all the alcohol calories I consumed later that night....) Not a lot of commentary today, because I have been thrown back into Work Hell, but hopefully Cheese's sister will send me the more social funyn pictures, and my jokes might spontaneously return.

Mama Q, Ellie and Me.

Me being sassy.

The in-laws.

Mamma Q and me.

The party girls. Note - I was eight drinks beyond my normal zero at this point. I was one Bud Light away from making some bad decisions, so shortly after this pictures, I took myself upstairs and into bed.

The party dudes. See Cheese?

The toast.

Down the hatch.

So that's it for now. More later.

So About That Vacation...

Yeah, DIRE NEED.

Anyone else feel just absolutely zonked by the time Friday rolls around?

My motivation to work or do anything really is obliterated.

I also work most Saturday mornings in private practice, so I kind of have to keep going until Sunday.

And then that's only one day to recharge!

And please, don't take that as a complaint about working - I think we all know how fortunate us employed are, and frankly I do enjoy my work. And given the recent budget proposal for our state -the one with all the cuts and that awesome income tax hike - I am going to appreciate it even more if I don't lose it.

Although the upside to working this hard is that I am making myself virtually indispensible to the team, and doing so with 100% completion rate (hard to explain, but trust me - 100% anything is really, really good).

So back to burnout - I picked up Cheese at the airport last night from his most recent 21-day work trip to Baton Rouge (and yes, that's 21 straight, 18+ hour days, no weekends off).

In addition to us being both Walking Dead, I was surrounded by people all tan and giddy from their Spring Break trips.

I could still smell the suntan lotion as they walked by in their shorts and flip flops (despite Chicago's 30 degree weather last night - ahhh, to be young again).

The only thing that stopped me from booking the next flight to Anywhere-But-Chicago, USA, was the fact that I had Cheese standing next to me after a very long 21 day absence.

That, and the fact that my schedule does not allow for any vacation time right now. I think it would give my boss a Grabber if I peaced-out for a week. I am already scheduled to be out of town for one Friday next week for my engagement party/half marathon in Kansas, and a Friday at the end of April for my half-marathon/visit my brother in Nashville.

And these are all good times - but not a beach in site. So by the time I could probably go somewhere with an ocean view, it will already be summer, and wedding stuff will be in full swing (not to mention that my vacation days repopulate in July, so they will all be saved for the honeymoon).

So Chicago it is - and I can just live vicariously through everyone elses trips and pictures.

Unless anyone has any suggestions......

Just Wrong

No matter what side of the fence you stand on when it comes to Washington, you have to know this is shitty:

http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2009/03/president-ob-15.html

Considering my family's own investment in children with special needs, and my post from just two weeks ago, this turned my stomach.

All the things he could have said, and he likens his skills to the Special Olympics.

How truly sensitive of him.

And you effing hell know that if this were a Republican, people would be screaming until their lungs bled.

Shameful.

Of course, this is a grain of sand on the beach of a government that truly seems to spinning out of control. For the first time since all this bailout stuff went down, I felt pretty hopeless today. The hole that they are willy-nilly digging this country is outragous.

I think most people accepted the stimulus bill out of fear and insecurity over a "crisis." When you are told by your leader that your country is on the verge of collapse, you freak, you trust, you believe. Were there a few things in there that will give the economy a boost? Sure. But were there a shitload more of things that in no way, shape, or form be considered "Emergency?" Absoltely.

And that's an important difference - the bill was an "emergency" spending bill turned lets-use-this-crisis-to-our-own-advantage-bill.

And now - infusing one trillion dollars into the economy - just printed up like the pages of my dissertation - is asking for a collapse. I'll fully admit that I am no economist, but this can't possibly be a good thing.

I mean, doesn't anyone in Washington think that maybe there was a REASON we have never done this much spending in the history of this country? Did they just assume that all previous governments were stingy?

Seems to me that it was never done becuase the consequences down the road are far too extreme. And while yes, we are in a recession - it is not the worst ever seen, and the country has pulled itself out before, without these extreme measures.

And I simply don't feel there is anyone up there that seems to give a shit, who can actually - with true honesty - say that they are "working for the people." Both sides of that fense are getting what they want so Fuck the people, right?

And for the record, this isn't a Left v Right thing - they are all part of it, they are all responsible for not slowing down this train. And we as Americans are responsible for buying Washington's bullshit.

I mean, millions of people showed up for the historical inaugeration- why can't millions of Americans need to now band together and stand in front of Congress and say, "WTF?!?!"

You know, people cried FOUL (and still are) that Bush used fear and lies to engage us in war - with echos of impeachment throughout his presidency.

What do you think Washington - and our President - is doing now? And with your money? With your future? With your children's future? Using a tough economic time to push through their own agenda - An agenda that has the potential to devestate our economy, change the basic strucutre of our country, and even violate constitutional law to do it.

All of this - this whole thing - just feel so shitty right now.


UPDATE:
I just pulled this off of an updated version of the same story:

"Obama made his comments at the show's taping, and it was unclear whether all of them would actually air later in the evening."

Of course.

I mean, seriously. Why fucking bother anymore?

I Need A Vacation

That is all.

My Brother Will Be Interested in This

Apparently, our pal, Dane, from the BL marathon fiasco, will be trying his running legs again at the Nashville marathon in April.

You know who else is running that race?

Yup - it's me!

Well, I will actually be running the half marathon.

But hey - if you ask the BL -it's all the same, right?

I guess you can sign up on the marathon site to "Run with Dane."

Even though I am already signed up for the half, I thought, "Huh, that would be interesting...think of all the scoop I could get out of him!"

But then I remembered - the marathons I run are 26.2 miles.

Yeah, I said it.

My Sisters

Sometimes I can get so caught up in myself that I almost forget or make excuses for not stopping and paying attention.

But this weekend I did.

On Saturday, after eight months of planning, rehearsing, learning, and developing, the 2009 cast of Special Gifts Theatre put on their production of “Cinderella.”

Special Gifts Theatre (or SGT, as its known), is a theatre company for children with special needs in a musical production for the stage.

The childrens needs that range from Downs Syndrome to sensory disorders to Aspergers Disorder to severe Autism. Many have extreme difficulty with social interaction, some are verbally limited, most are cognitively limited.

My sister Ellen, who once was a peer volunteer, and has worked up to being a Site Coordinator and Supervisor for the Aids (I’ll explain). And this year, my sister Devin was an aide.

So basically how it works is that each young special needs child is paired up with a peer mentor – mostly elementary school or high schoolers – who then shadow them as they learn lines, understand the play, etc. These mentors are also on stage with each child during that actual production too.

It’s hard to wrap the mind around the enormity of a task – taking upwards of 50 special needs children and working with them for eight months to not only learn lines, coordinate dance moves, and try to understand the concept of a musical, but to break through the many, many developmental barriers – it’s almost impossible to imagine if your not sitting there.

Now, Ellen has been doing this for years, and Devin was a newbie this year. I knew that every week they went to their rehearsals and their meetings after long days of teaching in their own classroom (Devin) or running her own business (Ellen), but I will admit that I often don’t think all that much about it.

But then, sitting there at the back of a packed theatre, watching parents cry to see their autistic daughter dancing in a costume with her mentor and singing along – it makes your heart want to explode. Literally. It feels like a heart attack.

It made me stop ruminating about my selfish bullshit, and appreciate something bigger then my life. Things that you or I do hundreds of times day without even thinking - like smile in reciprocity, or hold a hand, or move our bodies to music - are milestones for the children.

Now THAT'S perspective.

It’s a challenge to sit through the whole thing and not cry. I have yet to do it. This year, I watched with my mother, who was attending her first production. And at the end, as we participated in the standing ovation, my mom turned to me, tears spilling over, trying to talk, but finally just waving a hand in front of her face - a loss for words.

It’s overwhelming.

So in addition to just spreading the word about this program, my whole point in talking about this is to really say how deeply proud I am of my sisters and the amount of work they put into this.

I am so proud to know that this program exists, and so honored to know two of people that are part of the reason it does. The physical and emotional commitment to helping put on a musical production in this manner is truly something to admire.

Like I said – it’s so easy for me to turn so into myself that I forget all the good that happens around me.

And my family helped remind me.

Like, The Place With the Mormons

So apparently, all the pervs live in Utah.

Turns out Utah ranks Numero Uno when it comes to online porn subscriptions.

AND – ranks Number 2 for Google searches of “naughty” and “hot sex.”

Utah, bitches.

That's what's up.

So many questions, but let’s start with - Subscriptions?

Have the fine people of Utah never been introduced to Redtube?

I need Bill Henrickson to get on that STAT.

As the Mind Turns

A. Before anything else, I wanted to give a HUGE congrats to Steph, who placed FIRST in her age group in this weekends indoor tri at her gym!! And crazier - she did it while nursing a cold too! You're a badass, Ms. Steph!


B. In honor of No Cuss Week, this was submitted by Flatman. Enjoy. I did.


C. A List!

Top Ten Things I’ve Leaned from Watching True Crime Shows (Specifcally “First 48,” "DEA," and "Manhunters")
1. My parents were right – nothing good happens after 10pm.

2. No one wakes up in the morning and decides to be a murderer – that is, if you are going to kill someone, chances are you are already in the system for a litany of other crimes.

3. Criminals are not as smart as CSI and Law and Order would have you believe. Why? Because it seems that many crimes are done impulsively, and not really thought through. Thus, the “strategy” is lacking, if you will.

4. Speaking of strategy, hiding a semi automatic weapon in the dirty laundry basket pretty much signs your walking papers to the Pokey. Lock. Key. Done.

5. Surviving a robbery is similar to surviving a plane crash – the act is just as random, and you’re just as likely to get out alive (read: you’re not).

6. If a car is on fire, there’s dead body inside. So call the police. And lock your doors.

7, Like my dad used to say – you run with dogs, you get fleas. Hence, you hang with drug dealers and gang bangers, you will likely die at some point. And not naturally.

8. It never ceases to amaze me how little value some people place on human life. It’s like killing someone is the ONLY option of conflict resolution.

9. If you’re a bad guy, chances are you have a nickname (Lil’ D and J-Roc being the more popular). And oddly, not one person in your life will know your real name.

10. If a cop picks you up and brings you into the “Homicide” department for questioning, there’s a p.r.e.t.t.y. good chance they already have your number. Hence, when they ask you where you were on Friday night, they already know. Keep that in mind, and lie accordingly.


In addition to these observations, I have to speak to a startling episode. On this one episode, this guy confessed to shooting four adults (two of which were his brother and sister-in-law) to death, stabbing two children to death, and beating the life nearly out of three other children (stabbing one of them in the head as well). Pretty horrible right? But the starling part was that, after he confesses, his mother holds his hands, then hugs him and says I love you – the entire time lacking any sort of emotional affect whatsoever.

Why does this surprise me? Well, let me just say that if that were me, and I told my mom I just murdered my brother, his wife, and two for their five children, and was a monster enough to stab the faces off the other three, I am fairly certain she wouldn’t offer a hug and some comforting words.

Rather, my guess is that, right before she grasps her own heart and falls into cardiac arrest, she’ll fashion a shank out of the investigators Bic pen and shove right in my throat. This, to me, seems the more appropriate reaction then a hug and an “Everyone makes mistakes” speech.

Yes?

H-E-Double Hockey Stick

So apparently tomorrow marks the beginning of No Cuss Week.

First off, I think its bullshit that it starts on a Tuesday.

Who starts a week on TUESDAY?

If my week has to start on Monday, so does Cuss Week.

Damn.

Second, if the money jar and the Dial soap sandwich my mom fed me as a child didn't work, I can't make any promises about a vague psuedo-holiday of Cuss Week.

I mean, I even try the old standby substitutes - Cheese and Crackers, Freck, Eff, Gosh Darn, Flying Monkeys - you catch my drift.

But lemme tell ya - when you just NEED to get that point across - when you just gotta tell a mother fucker how you feel - nothing really says what on your mind like a good old fashioned

FUCK

You know?

And I right, or am I right?

I mean, it's kinda like using the word douche bag when trying to describe a ...well, douche bag. You use that word, and there's NO mistaking how you feel.

And swears aren't all that bad, right? I mean, some are so versatile, they can be nouns, verbs, AND adjectives.

Like "shit."

Noun: "I gotta take a shit" or "I don't give a shit."

Adjective: "I had a shitty day" or "This is a shitty job."

Verb: "Don't bother me while I am shitting."

Now, I don't advocate cussing around young children - after all, cusses should only be used by adults, say perhaps, a right you receive when you register to vote or join the Army.

So, use this Cuss Week as you will - perhaps I will try to curb it, perhaps not.

But it's a interesting thought.

For the Heck of It

Today, I really really missed Ironman.

It was one of those days where I was just consumed with the memories of last year.

And it hit me that I am one month short of the year anniversary.

It was right around this time (last year) that I was doing my five and six-hour trainer rides, buying obscene amounts of Clif Shots and Balance bars, and doing laundry three times a week just for the gym clothes.

My body was ripped, my jeans were loose, and I felt like an effing machine, even if just in my own mind. I was strong and I was proud - I felt like the baddest bitch on the planet. Literally.

Aaaaaand here we are a year later.

Take all of what I just said above, and think the exact opposite – and that is where I am right now.

I think it's mostly becuase right now, I’m not really training for anything, so I don't have a ton of focus. I have a couple running races coming up, but probably don’t need to really start training for Steelhead (august) for a bit yet.

And you can tell I am a little bored and/or looking for a goal, the way I handled the no-winner-just-for-fun YMCA triathlon.

Like a damn lunatic.

So for shits and giggles, I did a long brick today.

Why?

Because that’s what Sundays are for – the long brick.

And really, because I just like the satisfaction of the long brick.

No – correction – I LOVE the satisfaction of a long brick.

I love spending my Sunday mornings in my own sweat, breaking through moments of self-doubt, and then finally standing in the shower for 20 burning minutes.

I love waking up sore.

And plus, it’s really shaming to read all those Facebook status updates of everybody doing all the bike/swim/run tests, or day-long bricks while I sits and eat four bowls of cereal. And read Facebook.

But I am not complaining about the lack of Ironman in my life this year – I am really fortunate to be able to do even just my one race- Steelhead - and to still have a job that affords me the ability to do this as a pastime.

I am not complaining.

But I just miss it.

A lot.

Okay, So NOW I Have a Beef

So I will first give credit where it's due, and acknowledge that I saw this on Laura's blog.

But her blog is now private, so I will relay the message.

But thanks, Laura, for your sluthing.

Okay - here goes.

So you know how I didn't really pitch a bitch about how on The Biggest Loser that one guy got the IM distance wrong? I figured - hey, it's still a big accomplishment, maybe it was just a mistake.

But then I learned from Amy in her comment that BL actually editted out the "half" in the guy's description - and that he DID in fact say "half-Ironman."

Ooooo-kay.

So BL lied.

Whatever.

But THEN there was last night.

Anyone else wonder how a man who was morbidly obese and totally inactive was suddenly able to squeek out a 3:53 marathon just three months later?

Well, I did. Especially considering my little sister, who is all of 100 pounds, ran five marathons in the last calander year (many of those as Boston Qualifying attempts) and her best was 3:53.

And the weight is not even really the issue - but rather the fact that a completely inactive man (for many-a-year) suddenly up and ran a 3:53 in three months?

An event that most active fit people need 3-4 months to run?

It sounds fake, and it apparently was.

Laura discovered the blog of a woman who also ran the race. Apparently, the woman discovered that Dane (who was behind her throughout the race) suddenly appeared at the finish line - in front of her.

How did this happen?

Turns out, a van picked up Dane and his wife along the way (mile 23), and drove them in.

And not at 3:53 either - the woman marathoner finished in 6:14, which would mean that Dane would have finished later then that. Well, would have, if he didn't get the van ride.

But yet, there they were, cheering and celebrating his "marathon" finish.

(I should mention that Dane's wife found the blog too, and actually commented that they were picked up at mile 23 and driven in to make up for time they lost while filming at a water station - whatever - he still didn't run the whole thing and he in no way ran it in the time stated).

Before I launch into my issue with BL, let me just say that, dishonest editting aside, Dane did his own part in deciving the public about his finish. I mean, he faked crossing the line. He perpetrated like he actually finished.

It may only be 3.2 miles, but then own your 23 mile run, and don't lie about it.

But my bigger issue is with BL.

First the IM thing, then this?

You know, a half-Ironman and a 23-mile run (or even a half-marathon) are HUGE HUGE accomplishments on their own.

So why lie about them? Why try to build it up to something bigger? Why not just promote the goal for what it is, instead of trying to make it into something else?

I mean, what these contestants are doing is at times hard to wrap the mind around - the stunning weight loss, the years of inactivity turned around through fitness, and new life goals they never before considered.

Hell, even a 5k at that point is a big effing deal. So celebrate THAT.

Eh, maybe I am overreacting to this.

But I remember when this show has the best premise and spirit on television. Now it just seems like they are being eaten up by their own hype.

If they just brought it back to the basics - the reality of what it's like to go from morbidly obese to healthy and full of goals - this blog might very well become the BL Fan Site.

But instead, this show is starting to leave a bad taste in my mouth - and don't get my ass started about the product endorsements.

Ugh. I need a new show.

Good thing I recently found "The First 48."

From weight loss to murderers.

Seems a logical progression. Yes?

Hustled

I fancy myself to be in pretty good shape. I mean, I workout about two hours a day, five days a week. On Saturday, I ran 9 miles on an incline.

You would think running up 94 flight of stairs wouldn't damn nearly kill me.

But you would be wrong.

Here I am, all smiles and ignorance at what would shake me to my core about three hours later. I am waiting for the elevator to take me up to the Hustle Up the Hancock.

Sitting in the lobby, watching people at the start line, and strategizing. See - I'm deep in my race planning.

Eureka! I've got it! Race strategy = run as fast as you can and don't die.

It's almost time....

Holy crap I did it!!! I wish I had a finish line picture, but I did it much faster than Cheese was expecting, so he didn't make it to the finish line on time to see me exit the stairwell. But he did reward me with a box of sugar love.

Final Time: 18:32.

Age Rank: 59/422

Overall: 862/4000ish

You can't really see my bleeding lungs and sweat-soaked shirt, but don't be fooled- that was one of the HARDEST races I have EVER done.

I know, right? It's like 94 floors and 18 minutes of working out - What the hell should be so hard about that?!?!

And I don't really know why it was so hard - but at about 10 flights in, I hit the wall. By 20 flights I was sure I was dying and almost started crying. I stopped three times to drink water at flights 40, 60, and 74. The lung and throat burn was so severe I was wheezing and suffocating myself. And the leg burn? No words to described it.

In fact, I was still coughing and wheezing at 6pm last night.

But now that I've done it once, I know I can do better next year.

In fact, I am sure of it.

Like, I'm-gonna-try-and-win-my-age-group type of sure.

So who's in for next year?

Is Nothing Sacred?

So this morning, I WAAAAAY overcalculated the time I needed to workout and get ready for the funeral, so I ended up sitting in my hotel room watching VH1 videos for a good portion of the morning.

Trust me, after watching the national news for my entire 90 minute run this morning, I needed to zone out.

So VH1 video countdown - the host is at some toy show. He's with a toy developer, and they are talking about the electronic Rubik's Cube.

Come again?

Yeah, I said it.

The electronic version basically lets you "turn" each module by sliding your finger across, a la iPhone style.

What with the actual physically moving of the sides so physically stressful and all.

And if that weren't bad enough - when you get stuck, it gives you a hint.

A hint.

How mentally lazy of a nation have we become that we now need "hints" to solve the Rubik's Cube?

I mean, wasn't the whole point and challenge of it to FIGURE IT OUT WITH YOUR MIND?

Apparently Monopoly has gone electronic too - play money also being too hard to count with one's own brain.

Speaking of play money - No wonder no one raises a stink that our Congress people are too lazy to devise alternatives to or even read the 1000+ page stimulus plan - apparently "easy ways out" are all the rage.

Is this day over yet?